On the Other Hand...You Have Different Fingers.

Random Acts of Kindess

2011-12-18T19:01:00.000-05:00

It's my FAVORITE time of the year!!! I LLLLOOOOVVVVEEEE Christmas!!! Not just because it's fun and beautiful and sparkley ( I love sparkley) but because everyone seems a little more willing to smile at you when you walk down the street and I adore greeting people with a big smiling "MERRY CHRISTMAS"! Even if I don't get one back. It feels a little like a random act of kindess just saying it. Speaking of random acts of kindness, the other reason I love December is because my birthday is in December. I just turned 42. Dear lord, 42...How the hell did I get to be 42? I still feel like I should be in my 20's and DEFINATELY not a full fledged grown up with responsabilites and a child....oh yea, I am. Wow. Anyway, I wanted to try something out for my birthday this year that I stumbled across on a blog this summer. A woman decided that instead of getting birthday presents for her birthday, she asked her friends and family instead to do a random act of kindness in honor of her birthday, then email her what it was that they did....She got so many beautiful messages back that day from friends and family that ranged from grand acts like baking cookies and delivering them to the local fire departmemt, to smaller ones like just not telling someone off that really deserved it. I thought that this would be an awesome thing to throw out on Face Book and see who responded and in the mean time, maybe make someone elses day a little brighter. I forgot all about it...on my birthday, I went about my day and totally forgot about the request! UGH! I will have to write it on my calendar for my next birthday in 2012. I did, however think of it the day after and went out of my way to be extra friendly and helpful in honor of my own birthday idea....Oh well, the road to hell is paved with good intentions. I'll just keep smiling and wishing MERRY CHRISTMASES with wild abandon and thoroughly enjoy the season. MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

New England Aquarium November 2011

2011-11-13T13:19:00.000-05:00

Carlie and Ava

Vetrans Day was probably not the best day to head to a major city and tourist location, but it sure was a lot of fun! Besides the half hour wait in line outside in the blustery November weather, the whole trip was fantastic! I had never been to the aquarium and have always wanted to go. Thanks for my BFF Jen and her adventurous spirit, we headed to Boston and I finally got to see the aquarium! I'm not sure who was more excited about it, me or Carlie but we watched YouTube videos about the animals and fish at the aquarium before we went and learned a lot about what we were about to see! One of the things we really wanted to see was the super smart octopus! We found a video about this guy and it told a story about how he managed to find a way out of his tank at one point, climb down the side, across the floor and break into a tank of flounder-and then proceeded to EAT every one of them up! He got caught red handed by some of the staff early the next morning and from then on, he is in lock down! We saw penguins and sharks and giant sea turtles and some of the most beautiful fish and coral and jellyfish, we got to touch a sting ray and sharks in the new touch tank exhibit and we all fell in love with the seals!...So much happened,I couldn't even begin to remember it all but it was awesome! Even if every other family from New Hampshire to Cape Cod decided to show up that same day....It was still a LOT of fun!

Giant Sea Turtle

This is the face I got when I asked her if she was having fun...

Looking down into the giant tank

A whale skeleton!

Carlie's favorite gadget...Whale sounds!

Carlie and Ava at the touch tank

The shark and sting ray tuch tank

We went to see the IMAX movie "Under the Sea in 3D"!

Beautiful jellyfish!

Halloween 2011

2011-11-13T12:56:00.001-05:00

Of course, I have practically NO pictures of any of this for some reason, I have no idea why it didn't occur to me to take any-and that's not like me at all, but here is the story-

You'll have to use your imagination!

My daughter decided early this fall that she wanted Halloween to be "spooky" this year. She chose a monster girl costume and we proceeded to create the spookiest Halloween decorations that this house has ever seen! We hung ghosts and spider webs and carved disturbing jack-o-lanterns. We cut out bats and ghouls and had our jack-o-lanterns and spooky black cats all over the house! We even had spooky spiders dangling from creepy spider webs from the light over the table!!! On Halloween night, we put a CD player on the porch blasting eerie haunted noises like cackling witches and thumping heartbeats and screams of terror!!! We turned on our eerie green porch light, lit up all the jack-o-lanterns and had the best decorated spooky house on the whole block! We had hoards of trick or treaters and many, many compliments! Some people even came by to take pictures of the house!!! I think I might have over done it a bit when even Carlie was hesitant to come up her own walkway on our way back home from trick or treating in our own neighborhood! I can hardly wait for next year!!! BWAH HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!

Pumpkin Farm and Hayride October 2011

2011-11-13T12:45:00.001-05:00

We had a great time at the pumpkin farm this weekend! We went to Grandpas to make our annual batch of fruit cakes for Christmas and then managed to squeeze in a beautiful ride through CT and a trip to this farm for some pumpkins and a hayride! It was a beautiful day with huge billowy clowds in a very dark sky which made all the beautiful foliage pop out against it. The hayride was my favorite part. What a great time!

Carlie at the pumpkin farm October 2011

She wasn't too sure of this...the wind kept whipping the cat around!

I think this is where Carlie caught the Croup bug she incubated for a week after this....

Beautiful fall foliage in CT

Playing croquette with Grandpa and Daddy!

On our Hayride!

One of my favorite pictures of Carlie and Grandpa!

WPG Weekend 2011

2011-11-13T12:28:00.000-05:00

The view from the upstairs deck

WPG Weekend...We've all been sworn to secrecy and I cannot devulge what those letters stand for. Let's just say, they are quite fitting for our goofy group of awesome women. There are 6 of us and we have a comradary. We all get along great, have a LOT of laughs together and I love every one of these women for different reasons. They are strong, free spirited, talented each in their own way and kind. My life wouldn't be the same if any one of them werent in it. I am extrememly grateful to call these women my "Inner Circle".

This year, our trip to New Hampshire was a little shorter than we would have liked, but we will try and make it up there this spring and hopefully we can make it an extra day or so. We made it up just before "Peak" foliage and it was gorgous! We had a fire on Saturday night, each of us planned and cooked a meal and we even got some sight seeing done! The weather was amazing and we didn't do much more than laugh talk and relax. Perfect.

A farm we came across on our site seeing tour

"Navigator" "Chef" and "Toots"

Our awesome fire!

"Navigator" "Timex" and "Toots"

Where we spent most of our time...on the upstairs deck talking and laughing

3 of us were "Tattooed" with this "brand"

Looking up into the sky and watching the leaves drift down.

WPG's group shot with Kady in front!

Carlie's 5th Birthday- Under the Sea Party!

2011-11-13T11:50:00.002-05:00

The "Octopus" for the cake. Made out of Rice Crispies treats.

We had to postpone this birthday party due to rain and we came very close to having to do it again because of rain...But I decided to put it in the hands of fate and press on! I couldn't dissapoint Carlie a second weekend in a row!-Besides, planning a party is A LOT of work and I was in limbo waiting for the right weather....Just DO IT! So I did and it worked our perfectly. It was a hot muggy day and it rained that morning...but God was watching out for us and he held off the rain until about half an hour after the last child went home. Thank you for that!!!

We had a great turn out! A lot of kids from Carlie's class were there and some friends she doens't see

on a regular basis.

She was so happy to have all her friends at her house to play.

We had a piniata, water table with extra bubbles, ring toss and of course the bounce house was up and in full swing all day! The kids bounced, ran, played and splashed themselves silly! My Octopus cake was a big success and everyone wanted a piece of cake with "a leg"!! We had crab dip and goldfish crackers and lots and lots of fun and laughs! What a fantastic day it was! We held the party from 2-4 and it was a perfect amount of time to have fun, eat and open presents before anyone got too tired and cranky. By the time everyone left, we cleaned up the yard and it began to rain. We spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing on the front porch and enjoyed a rainy summer day. The only thing that could have made it better would have been if the Grandmothers were here. It makes my heart heavy that they are missing all of this. They would have just been beside themselves with delight at watching Carlie in her "pink mermaid dress" having the time of her life. But things don't always work out the way you wish them to. All in all, we had a terrific time!

Happy Birthday Carlie!!!

Double layer white cake tinted "Ocean Blue" for that Under the Sea feel

Carlie seeing her cake under construction

Adding the pink fondant and marshmallow eyes

OK-So this is a lesson I had to learn through trial and error. Rice crispies treats are HEAVY and this big fat octopus began to very slowly squash the top layer of this cake. Next time, I will just use the rice crispies treat for the body and do the legs completely in fondant. Live and learn.

Everyone is arriving! Let the fun begin!!

Carlie helping me pass out the bags for the piniata candy.

This was the busiest of all places in our yard that day....The kids jumped and bounced and laughed and flopped around all afternoon! I hope they were all good and tired when they went home that afternoon!

Happy Birthday to YOU!!!

All that was left of that poor octopus!...LOL!!

Happy kids!

A good hot day for a Hoodsie cup!!

Opening her many presents

Now THAT'S a happy girl!

Of course Boo had to get into the middle of it all to see what was going on!! Cricket was smart enough to stay on the porch in the shade and away from all the kids!!!

Add caption

I am so glad I got this shot! What a great group of kids! They were terrific!!

These were the pictures we took for the Thank You cards...Oh what fun!!!

Family Birthday September 2011

2011-11-13T10:33:00.000-05:00

Carlie and Aunt Leila relaxing in the afternoon

We did something a little different this year. We all met up at Grandpa's in C.T. to celebrate Carlie and Henri's birthday. Aunt Leila, Cousin Lorena, Uncle Lou and Aunt Liz joined us for a birthday dinner and cake. After dinner, we opened presents. Carlie of course, made out like a bandit (as most only children do)! The gift that stole the show was the one from Grandpa. A brand new pink and white big kid bike just for Carlie! What a great day and what a fun time!

Superstar sunglasses from Aunti Liz and Uncle Louis

Carlie and Daddy opening presents

Her NEW BIKE! The suprise on her face was priceless!!!!!

Boo enjoying the cool wind on the way home from Grandpa's

Carlie's actual birthday. Chocolate mint cake with extra sprinkles and flowers.

MMMMMM...GOOD!!! Happy Birthday to my beautiful seet angel girl.
I can't believe your 5 already.
My how time flies!!!!

Columbus Day 2011-Redecorating Weekend !

2011-11-13T10:22:00.000-05:00

Henri and Carlie went to Maine to visit his aunt and uncle for the long weekend while I styaed home with Jennifer to re-decorate the living room. This included pulling down the old wallpaper, sanding and repairing some peeled ceiling spots where we had a little moisture issue a couple years ago before we had the new roof put on. I wanted my living room to be bright and cheerful, so I chose the color "Lemon Chiffon" for the living room with bright white trim. Jenn patched the peeling paint on the ceiling and I handled the trim. It was a LOT of work but totally fun and perfectly satisfying in the end. It came out beautiful and I must say, we did a FRIGGIN AWESOME job! I love my bright cheery new living room!!!

I am lucky to have my friend Jennifer who oddly enough, LOVES a challenge like this!

This house had wallpaper in the living room from day one. Every time the room was re wallpapered, everyone signed the walls. It was a history of the house and almost everyone has passed on that signed the walls. Now that we decided to paint, I took as many pictures as I could of the signatures and writings in an effort to save a little of this history.

At this point, I was doubtful my living room would EVER look normal again.

Tropical Storm Irene 2011

2011-11-13T10:00:00.000-05:00

Nobska Beach

This summer, we were lucky enough to dodge another hurricane. What was forcasted to be a catagory 2 hurricane, rambled through Cape Cod as a Tropical Storm. Just the idea of a hurricane makes my throat tight. After living through Hurricane Bob in '91 and being without power for 7 days, the destruction of the town and the clean up from hell...I am not looking forward to doing that again EVER! But Irene was kind enough to take it down a notch for us and just create some awesome wind gusts, beautiful waves and a couple downed branches. We lost power for about 13 hours, but that was definatley better than it could have been! Thank you GOD for that! We decided to get out and against the better advice of the Emergency Brodcast System go for a ride and see what things looked like. We encountered MANY other people disobeying this advice and got some great shots of Mother Nature at work!

Surf Drive Beach

Nobska

The Heights

Henri's Fireworks Show on Oak Bluffs 2011

2011-11-13T09:51:00.000-05:00

Waiting for the show to start on Oak Bluffs.

The barge before the fireworks set up on Oak Bluffs

During set up day of the big show

This year, Henri got to do a huge barge show on Oak Bluffs on Martha's Vinyard! We couldn't be with him, so we did the next best thing. We gathered friends and went down to Menhaunt Beach to watch from across the sound! We had a long fun wait for the show to start. We watched shooting stars, got an astrology lesson from our super smart friend Amy and got to chat and laugh a lot! What a fun night we had!! The first big pink firework that went up that night had Carlie's name written on it by her Dad. It was a beautiful show and so much fun! President Obama was visiting the Vinyard that weekend and even HE got to see the show! How exciting is THAT?!

What a fun night of fireworks, friends and shooting stars!!!

Summer Sunsets 2011

2011-11-13T09:36:00.000-05:00

We had one of the most beautiful sunsets I have ever seen this summer. These pictures don't really even do it justice. Everything was golden pink and glowing. It was breathtaking.

Looking out from our front yard

All glowing in pink and orange

A warm summer night

4th of July 2011

2011-11-13T09:27:00.000-05:00

4th of July this year was so fun!! We had a beautiful evening for watching the fireworks and were lucky enough to live within walking distance of a fantastic view of them! We watch from Falmouth Harbor every year. We load up the little red Radio Flyer wagon and lug all out snacks, chairs and toys down to the top of the hill and set up camp. It's so much fun to sit and watch people and chat with everyone, not to mention that Falmouth has one of the best fireworks displays on the Cape! This year we were unhappily greeted with no power when we got home! Lucky for us we stocked up on glow sticks! We found out that they make perfect flashlights and nightlights as well as being super stylish!

Henri the human firework

Carlie all decked out for the big fireworks display

We were ready and waiting for the show to start!!

Ballet Recital 2011-Turning Pointe Dance Studio

2011-11-13T09:15:00.001-05:00

Dancing in the front yard

The weather was perfect for the recital this year. It was blue skies and sunny. Carlie was so excited about her recital and her chance to dance on stage in front of everyone! I think she was most excited about the big bow at the end with all of the students. Her costume was beautiful just like she was...And she got to put on "stage makeup" which of course made her feel like the ballerina princess that she truly is. The recital was at the Bourne High School auditorium this year. A new place for us. Uncle Andy and Dylan came to watch, but Dylan wasn't very happy about sitting in the dark and the big crowd, so he and Dad watched a lot of it through the double doors in the back of the auditorim. All in all it was a fantastic experience for Carlie and that's what mattered. I think this year I will volunteer as a stage Mother so I can keep a better eye on her and the other kids in her class. I wasn't really impressed with the set up they had to watch the little kids between performaces or the rule that the girls werent allowed in the auditorium after their performance to watch the rest of the ballet recital...But this coming year, I will know what I'm getting into.

I posed in the same spot when I was her age before my own ballet recital.

Carlie dancing with Boo

My beautiful ballerina princess

Carlie and her buddies in the cafateria before the recital

Carlie taking a big bow!

The end of the recital and the final bow

A Mid Summer's Night...

2011-11-13T09:00:00.000-05:00

A good "cooking fire"

As much as I aspire to weekend fires like this, sadly I think we managed 2 this entire summer. But they were fun and cozy and relaxing...We roasted marshmallows and spent a lot of the time trying to keep the dogs from catching on fire...But it was a good time.

This year, we bought the whole family camp chairs. They sure came in handy!!!

Henri relaxing at the fire. Life is good!

Strawberry Festival 2011

2011-11-13T08:54:00.000-05:00

Trying to convince Carlie to get into the bounce house without me.

As usual, we attended the St. Barnabus Strawberry Festival this summer. I've been going to this since I was a kid and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy to be able to continue the tradition with my own daughter. It's small and busy and hot...But it's a tradition and it's beautiful and has a small town feel....I love that. The last few years, my Father in Law has joined us. I like to think that maybe someday Carlie will be going with her kids....

Strawberry face paining...a MUST at every Strawberry Festival!

I try and get a picture like this every year....I'm doubtful I'll be able to pick her up next year!...Oh and the blue stuff is cotton candy. (at 10am)!!!

Carlie in bounce house action!!! Pony tails flying!!!

Looking towards the Village Green and Main Street , Falmouth.

Easter 2011

2011-05-07T22:22:00.004-04:00

Easter this year was a success! My Father in Law came up to spend Easter weekend with us. With much careful planning and consulting with "The Easter Bunny", we made these beautiful Easter eggs.

We had lots of fun trying to make designs and get the best colors

Carlie seemed to be more comfortable using her hands to dip the eggs rather than that little wire egg dipper you get with the egg coloring kit....

We had a lot of fun...And then it was time to take a rest with Grandpa.

Happy Easter!!

Patriots Day 2011

2011-05-07T21:49:00.003-04:00

Carlie and I had Patriots Day off together this year. Henri had to work (ha ha),so I decided we needed a girls day. Carlie and I hit the road around 10am, headed for Rt. 6A. The plan was to to wind our way up to Dennis and explore Mayflower Beach. I was told that it is a beautiful beach and you can find Sand dollars there this time of the year. It was a beautiful day for a drive!!

When we got to the beach, this is what we saw first. (see above photo)

Carlie had her bucket and we were hunting for those Sand dollars. We found a lot of other things like....a horseshoe crab...

And a few of these disgusting things that were spewed out of that sewage treatment plant in New Hampshire, that dumped millions of these little gross poop filters into the ocean...eew.

But mostly we had a good time finding cool things on this beach. Then I heard those dreaded words..."Mommy, I have to pee". Too many people around to do a quick duck and cover pee out in nature manuver, so we had to pack it up and leave. It was a little cold and a lot windy and a long walk back to the truck. So long in fact, she had to sit and rest on the way.

We ended up at UNO'S in Hyannis and had a great time at lunch together. Then we decided to go spend a gift card at Bath and Body Works in the Hyannis Mall. (Carlie calls it the "Girl Store"...She couldn't be MORE right about that)! After we shopped till we dropped, we hit the Carousel at the food court for a one time around.

We saw some pretty cool things that day...

Beach house at Chapin Beach with Horse Shoe crab shells mounted on the front. Thought this was a cool idea and might try it at home.

Chapin Beach (photo by Carlie)

Chapin Beach Dennis MA.

And I think all in all it was a lot of fun!!!

Old Friends

2011-04-09T19:42:00.002-04:00

We finally cleaned out the storage unit today where the rest of Mom's things were stored. I was happy to give away alot of the large pieces of furniture to my dear friend who my parents adored. Once again I find myself going through my Mothers belongings wittling it down again and gettting rid of things that almost 2 years ago I thought I could never part with. Funny how you begin to get numb to giving away your memories. And the thing is, alot of the time, it's stupid things that hold strong memoies...like pens! My mother had hundreds of pens...and some of them I have seen rolling around our house all my life. They don't necessarily work...But they are familiar and remind me of my old home and my old life that seems so far away now. Mom also had a hundred journals,notpads and day planners. Most of them not even used. She was big on anything having to do with getting organized but never really got it all together...I guess I know where I get it from! It's all rather depressing to go through these things again and again....But fate works in mysterious ways, and today I got to spend some time with two of my most favorite men on earth besides my husband. Two friends that I have had since I was just 14 or 15 years old and who know me better than I know myself sometimes. One of these friends lives in San Francisco and I only see him every few years when he comes for a visit...The other lives nearby but he is so busy with his work and new family that we are lucky to get together once a month. It's just another reminder to me how blessed I am to have such incredible friends and how timing is everything. This could have been a bad day if it werent for them. But it turned out to be pretty darned good.

5 months later....

2011-04-08T09:25:00.001-04:00

I had such high hopes of posting more often back in November...Here it is 5 months later and I am finally getting down to it. I've sat down and opened this blog probably a dozen times in the last few months, but have either had nothing to say or not enough time to put it all together.   I'm having a "Stay home day" today with my daughter who is overtired and cooking up some kind of either cold or ear infection, so I figured while she is tucked into the "big bed" (Mom and Dad's bed) watching Horton Hears a Who with her teddy bear, I have 1 hour and 29 minutes to fiddle around with this blog. I changed the background picture to a watercolor I recently did. I have always loved drawing fish and if you had asked me when I was a kid, what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was "A marine biology illustrator". Well, I'm a secretary...close enough.
   Anyway, the last few months have been interesting to say the least. Carlie has grown by leaps and bounds. My husband finally found a job he LOVES and is local and is a great fit for him. (YAY)! We have added a puppy to the family, her name is Boo and she is a black as night Shih-Tzu. She and Cricket (our older Shih Tzu) made fast friends and are now inseparable. It's interesting how Boo has brought the puppy out in Cricket. All they do is chase each other, wrestle and snuggle together. It's like having 2 new dogs!
      We moved Carlie into bunk beds which was a huge ordeal. Henri wanted her to have the bunk beds that he and his brother had as kids. I wanted her to have a full size bed that we could also use as a guest bed when we have company. (We live in a very small house and space is limited) . Henri and I argued back and forth about this for a months, sometimes in good humore...sometimes not so much, and got Carlie involved as much as possible trying to get her to take sides. He finally won. He managed to convince her that bunk beds were way cooler than a big bed of her own and I got over ruled. So I insisted they be at least painted white if they were coming here.   Henri spent about every day off he had, traveling back and forth to his fathers house in CT where the beds were stored, sanding and painting them with his Father and his brother even helped out with the project. After a few weeks, the beds came home and I have to admit...They're pretty damned cute. Carlie and I enjoyed shopping for new bed sets for them and chose one with owls and birds which is absolutely adorable. She looks so small now in that bed. Time just keeps marching on...

Turkey Day

2010-11-25T19:30:00.000-05:00

This Thanksgiving was going to be a big one for me. This year for the first time in my life, I was going to someone else's house for dinner. I have never had a Thanksgiving with my in-laws. They went to Florida every year, so we were always with my Mom and sometimes my aunt would join us, or after Mom passed away, we were on our own. I have to admit, I enjoyed making the dinner and looked at it as sort of a challenge and strived to make my Mom and Grandmother proud, even though they aren't here anymore, I get the feeling they are nearby watching...Making sure I know enough to constantly stir the hollindaise sauce so it doesn't curdle. Well, I do. (most of the time)
So, this year I had planned on helping my Father in Law cook at his place in CT. He stayed up North this year do to a torn tendon in his knee. After surgery a few months ago, he's stuck here with the rest of us in the snow and slush and is trekking back and forth to physical therapy for the rest of the winter.
Friday night we had made plans to visit Springfield MA and see "Bright Nights" in Forest Park. This is a gigantic Christmas light display that can only be described as AWESOME. I had looked forward to sharing this with Carlie and knew she would be in absolute awe.
But...like all good plans, these were not meant to work out as we had hoped. I ended up with a little medical issue and have been grounded here on Cape Cod for the holidays. I will be having a small and hopefully fast and uneventful surgery tomorrow morning at 8:30am. So my very understanding Father in Law packed up the 13 pound turkey, all the vegetables and a lot of ingredients needed to cook a proper Thanksgiving feast and headed North to Cape Cod to have dinner here with us. For the most part, he and Henri did the cooking. I had made pies Tuesday night, so that was all done. Dinner was delish and my husband is in a turkey coma on the couch as we speak. Happy Thanksgiving to all! I have to go do the dishes.

Halloween 2010

2010-11-04T17:59:00.000-04:00

Halloween this year was terrific. We attended the Harvest Festival at one of our local elementary schools on Friday night for fun and games and lots of prizes! We met up with the Fooseberry girls and got to see everyone's costumes. It was just the right amount of crazy after a long week of working and building up to "HALLOWEEN"! Saturday, we went to Carlie's last dance class with Miss Annette. Miss Annette has decided to close her dance studio after 20 years and join up with another center in Cataumet. We will be trying out this new center this coming Saturday and decide how we like it. If it's not up to our liking, it will probably be gymnastics instead. We will see.
Sunday was Halloween. We had a play date with Carlie's friend Jillian in Sandwich in the morning, came home to make some last minute decorating decisions, like hanging a screeching sound activated spider over the doorway to terrify children...and waited for our victims...er...I mean Trick or Treaters. Carlie, as you can see, was a beautiful princess. I painted pink hearts on her cheeks and polka dots around her eyes at her request. She looks terrific! We made the usual rounds in our neighborhood...then headed to our friends around town. Carlie made a pretty good haul considering we really only went to 5 houses.

Pumpkin Carving Day

2010-10-18T11:31:00.001-04:00

We took a family trip to Tony Andrews Farm this weekend in search of the "Great Pumpkin" to carve for our "Almost Annual Pumpkin Carving Day" with the Fooseberry girls.
This year I think I got a little carried away with the amount of pumpkins we purchased. I seem to forget year to year what a pain in the ass carving a pumpkin actually is. We bought 5 pumpkins, and I had already purchased 2 a week or so ago at the supermarket...What was I thinking?

We grabbed our wagons and headed into the "Pumpkin Patch". Unfortunately, the pumpkins were mostly starting to soften on the bottoms...There wasn't much to choose from...But we did end up finding a few good ones.

Carlie got pissed because she wanted to ride in the wagon with the pumpkins, but they were so big, there wasn't enough room for her -unless she held one in her lap...As you can see, she didn't much care for that idea. We headed back to the registers and bought....$67.00 worth...yes...$67.00 worth of pumpkins.

We have lost our minds.

The girls came over Sunday afternoon and, after playing in the leaves and running around outside for a while, they came in to do some serious pumpkin carving. Ava and Olivia brought their "professional" pumpkin carving tool set (that only they would have)...and Carlie and I tore open our $1.00 carving kits to get down to business.

As Jen and I were trying to keep the pumpkin guts contained and from being flung onto the walls, saving little fingers from being severed from the hand, and trying to keep everyone happy and safe, we both had to laugh. It always seems like such a good idea until we get hip deep into the project with our kids....But we just put our heads down and plow on. Happy in knowing that we are creating memories...Hopefully happy ones. We all got some terrific Jack-O-Lanterns done and had a really good time doing it. I plan on re-visiting this post around the end of September next year as a reminder to only buy 2 pumpkins....YA RIGHT!

Cranberry Harvest Festival 2010 and a message.

2010-10-18T09:50:00.006-04:00

I took Carlie and Cricket to the Cranberry harvest Festival this past Saturday.
We had to park about a half a mile away from the enterance of the festival, at the edge of a cranberry bog.
It was actually a beautiful walk that I would have never have known existed otherwise. We walked to the festival through the bogs and down a winding dirt road through the woods. It was a beautiful crisp clear day and we were but two of what seemed like HUNDREDS of people who wanted to enjoy the festival as well. The walk reminded me of some sort of pilgrimage.

Carlie and the big pig

Face Painting

warp speed crafting

The Festival is held on a bog here in town and the entire thing is contained in two tents. One containing crafts to buy and crafts for the children to participate in making...And the other was mainly food. It was nearly impossible to walk through either of these tents without getting hip checked, bumped into or pushed. It was rediculous. I think they underestimated the amount of people heading to this festival. Carlie got her face painted, saw a big pig and made a construction paper cranberry scoop with some woman who was on warp speed mode...They taped a dum dum lolipop to the front of it, which time and again I watched children finish the 3 second project with the warp speed lady, turn around, rip the lolipop off the craft they just completed (or actually was completed FOR them) and throw the thing in the nearest trash bin...seriously. Once I finally gave up trying to see anything in the tents, (since each table was about 10 people deep) I scopped up my dog under one arm, grabbed Carlie in the other and just shoved my way out of the tent.
Carlie then decided she wanted a hot dog. The line for the hot dogs was about 50 people long. Of course. While standing in the line, I asked my daughter about 10 times if she was SURE she wanted a hot dog...I even tried to lure her away with the promise of a Happy meal...no dice. She wanted a hot dog. The people behind me and in front of me kept making jokes about what if they were out of hot dogs by the time we got to the front of the line...My response was I would probably fling myself into the bog. 15 minutes of standing in line and it was our turn. Carlie actually got the LAST HOT DOG!! That was close, although the man behind me was a pretty good looking fire fighter, and had I been forced to fling myself into the bog, I would have probably been rescued by him...Maybe I should have fallen behind a couple of people in line...Oh well. We bought the hot dog, got some ketchup on it and turned to find a place to eat. Carlie opened her mouth to take a bite and dropped the entire thing upside down on the ground. We both just stood there looking at it and then at each other. Carlie picked it up, wiped the obvious dirt off it and ate it. And I let her...because A.) You have to eat a pound of dirt in your life and B.) If she didn't, I would have...Because GOD DAMMIT I was not about to let that last hot do go to waste!
We decided to leave after that.
We walked back to the truck and enjoyed talking with the people who were walking the same way. We met up with some that we knew, made fellow dog lover friends...and enjoyed the fall scenery along the way. Just as I got to the truck, out of the corner of my eye I noticed what looked like a wallet laying in the grass. I walked over and grabbed it, noticing there was some paper sticking out and figuring someone dropped it out of their car as they were leaving. Once I got everyone secured in the truck, I took a good look at the wallet. It is a brand new Vera Bradley wallet and there was nothing inside except for a poem on warn paper tucked into the back pocket. This is what it said.

The Journey

-By Mary Oliver

One day you finally knew what you had to do,

and began, though the voices around you kept shouting their bad advice-

though the whole house began to tremble and you felt the old tug at your ankles.

"Mend my life!" each voice cried. But you didn't stop.

You knew what you had to do.

Though the wind pried with it's stiff fingers at the very foundations, though their

melancholy was terrible, it was already late enough, and a wild night,

and the road full of fallen branches and stones. But little by little,

as you left their voices behind, the stars began to burn through the sheets of clouds,

and there was a new voice which you slowly recognized as your own,

that kept you company as you strode deeper and deeper into the world,

determined to do the only thing you could do

-determined to save the only life that you could save.

I instantly thought that this was a message for me. Carlie asked me what it was, and my answer was "A message from my guardian angel". And I truly believe that that is what it is.
So I am going to keep this in my own wallet and make sure that I read it often. And when I get to the end of the road that I have recently turned onto, I will put the poem back into the wallet I found it in, and leave it for someone else to find.

Princess Party Extravaganza

2010-09-30T20:43:00.001-04:00

Carlie turned 4 this September....Hard to believe she is a little girl and not a toddler anymore. She has defied odds that some of the best doctors in the country are surprised at. She is a miracle.
I can't help but to re-live the night she was born every birthday....The night before her birthday, I remember the pains in my stomach and how I looked in every baby book I could find and on every website I could pull up trying to diagnose myself...The pain I was having didn't fit any of the descriptions of labor pain...I chalked it up to gas...and went to bed. The next day, the pains were there, but not as bad... I went to work. I remember describing my worry the night before to one of our nursing supervisors...her response was a laugh and.."sounds like labor pains"..HA HA HA! nah...couldn't be. It's too soon. 6 weeks too soon. I didn't even have a crib. I can't be in labor. Henri and i still have the receipt from Betsy's Diner from dinner that night. That was about the time I realized she hadn't moved that day. Henri brought me home, gave me cold juice and told me bad jokes trying to get her to wiggle...just a little....but she didn't budge. So I finally called the Dr. They met me at the Maternity unit at the hospital and within what seemed like seconds I was on my way to surgery for an emergency C-Section. All I kept saying was..."But I don't have a crib yet!" I think that was about the limit of my grasp of what was about to happen. The rest as they say is history...Medi Flight to Boston Childrens Hospital, 20 days in the NICU. Diagnosis: Possibly brain blind, Kidney malformation, will probably have developmental delays. 10 more days at a "Level B" NICU in Plymouth....She finally came home just before Halloween. 30 days later...and now on her 4th Birthday she is healthy,developmentally right on target, Kidneys healed and sight-20/20. Thank you Children's Hospital for all the care...and for being wrong. Thank you Jordan Hospital for growing her just enough to get her home. Thank you God for my miracle.

The Princess Castle Bounce House compliments of Grandpa...

A rousing game of "Stick the kiss on the Frog".

Mr. Crocker aka: "Uncle Hiccup" to us...was kind enough to bring his duck "Howard" and entertain all...

My very best friend and party photographer and one of my favorite little girls...

Carlie and Ava enjoying the bounce house all to themselves.

Carlie smacking the "piniata that wouldn't die"

"Happy Birthday to you....Happy Birthday to you"......

How old are you now???

Carlie and Mommy opening presents

Carlie opening "Jumpy bear" from Uncle Andy and Aunta Jess.

I'm back...again.

2010-09-30T20:06:00.000-04:00

Well...it took about 2 and a half months, but the house is finally done. Funny, the little things we did on the house got us lots of compliments from the nieghbors...We paint the thing spring green and no one says a word! Wierdos.
Anyway, I love it...LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT! I know my Grandparents who built this house in 1932 are somewhere smiling about it too. We've come a long way baby...Here's proof.

Progress

2010-04-22T20:43:00.000-04:00

Progress on our house painting is slow at best. Trying to choose colors has proved to be a much more difficult decision than I thought. I finally decided to paint the trim white. I am having just the front of the house painted (actually stain) in a color... what color I do not know. Gray? Blue? White? Green? I usually like to be a little diffrent. I am not opposed to being the only purple house on the block...But the choice is something I am going to have to live with for a VERY long time. If I screw it up, I am going to be sorry for a VERY long time. I am greatful that this right now is my biggest dillema since this time last year, I was starting to go straight out of my mind with my Mother being so sick and starting the downward spiral that ultimately lead to her death. This is a breath of fresh air compared to THAT!
My Mother's birthday is May 3rd and I wanted to come up with something to do that day that celebrated her and her life. Something that she would have totally enjoyed doing. I decided to take the day off and do our Springtime Rt. 6A trip, and invited my best friend to join me. I am looking forward to spending the day with Jen and getting to do something that will remind me of Mom in a happy way. That is the ONLY way I know she would want us to remember her. Spring was her favorite time of year and the green on the trees in early spring was her favorite color. You can't get much happier than that as far as I am concerned. So we will amble down that beautiful road, stop at some of the terrific little shops on the way and probably enjoy a nice lunch out. Sounds like a heavenly way to spend a day to me!! I think I have made progress, even if the painter hasn't, but I've had almost a year to do it. Let's hope he won't take so long!!!!

Easter 2010

2010-04-09T21:41:00.000-04:00

This year, we had beautiful weather for Easter Sunday. It began on Saturday afternoon when we all sat down to color eggs... Carlie, me and Henri. It was fun to show Carlie how to do this, and she had a free ticket to make a holy friggin mess, which she did. But it was fun, and we laughed alot, and she dropped 4 or the 8 eggs that we boiled and cracked them as soon as she finished decorating them.... But that's O.K. too... Next year, I'll make a few extra's. Live and learn. Sunday began for us around 7AM. Carlie woke up and came out of her room to find a huge Easter basket on the living room table too big for her to get down by herself.

She was wide eyed and beyond excited at everything she pulled out of the basket. There really is nothing like the feeling you get when you can do that for your own child... Now I understand the look Mom would get on her face on mornings like that... Sheer joy.

My daughter had a steady diet that day of candy. I don't think she ate much else... But that's O.K. It was Easter.

This has been the rainiest spring weve had in a LONG time! My little fish doesnt mind it though. I think she really was a fish in another life... I can't keep her out of and away from water.

I've decided to have the house painted and hired somone to come and do it. They start Monday, so I will have to keep a good photo journal of the progress and make a blog about it. I'm sure there will be a good story sometime in the next 12(ish) days that he figures it will take to complete the job. I am a little hesitant about this, but I am doing it because if it doesnt get done soon, I am going to have to start replacing the wood due to rot. So here we go. Now to figure out if we are going to change the color from plain white trim to something with a little pizazz....I dunno. Also, we are having the shingles bleached. This should lighten up the whole house and make it look much more cheerful. I am looking forward to seeing that,

I am thinking a nice bright sunshine yellow for the front door and white trim.... Any suggestions?

A Blast From The Past

2010-03-21T18:55:00.001-04:00

I got the stranges phone call last week... It was my old friend Andy calling me to make "plans" to go to Milford and visit some old friends of ours. The strange part is, Andy doesn't EVER make plans in advance. He is famous for calling 20 minutes before he walks out the door to invite you along on a wild journey. But Andy recently got married, and he is trying to change his ways.... which is wildly convenient for ME.
So we made our plans, and piled into his RV on Saturday afternoon and hit the road. Our trip brought us to a couple who I have not seen since 2000. Funny how time stands still... they look exactly the same as the last time I saw them, just more domestic and with 2 adorable boys running around the house. We spent the night talking about the kids, having a fabulous dinner and reminiscing about old times, with a couple interruptions from a crying child or one who wandered out of bed. The diffrence was, midnight came and we all went to bed...That would NEVER have been the case 10 years ago. But even though we didn't party like we used to, it reminded me why I always enjoyed their company so much. They are funny, and easy to be around and know how to relax and laugh at themselves....and each other. I am really hoping to see them again sooner rather than later!!
We got home Sunday alot later than we expected and had to hustle to get the regular weekend chores done (at least the bare necessities) I went grocery shopping while Henri cleaned up the laundry. I bought Carlie the movie "The Pricess and the Frog" and when everything was put away, we all piled onto the big bed and had a great time watching it, tickling each other and laughing alot. All in all it was a great weekend... I wish it could last a few more ~~days~~ weeks! I love how the days are longer now, it seems like we get more out of each one.

Lots of changes.....

2010-03-17T19:08:00.004-04:00

Carlie started school this week, at the child care center where I work...
It was a very difficult decision to take her out of the child care center that she has been at since she was 1.
We are good friends of her teacher who also owns the little child care center,I call her Carlie's "Other Mother" and she is beyond patient and kind with every child there.
The last day of school was tearfull, and I am still not completely sure I did the right thing... But money talks and I get a BIG discount at my school, and it is convenient to have her there.

So here we are, and we miss the one on one small class family that was our old school, but everything takes some getting used to. So, onward and upward.

Spring is begining to spring around here, I have tulips and bleeding hearts sprouting out back and the daffodills have buds on the north side of my house!! I see crocus in the yard at the end of my street... but I only have about 2 of them left in my yard thanks to whatever creature likes to eat them. ( I hope they gave him heartburn!)
The Red Winged Blackbirds are here and I bet there will be Pussy Willows out very soon!!

I truely love spring and it was my Mothers favorite time of the year, so she will be on my mind alot as the days get greener and warmer. Mom and I took our springtime drive down Rt. 6A every year to "Ooh" and "Ahh" over the beautiful spring scenery that lines that pretty Cape Cod road... I will miss that this year. Maybe I can find a stand in for Mom... Maybe I'll take Carlie this year and start the tradition early with her, although, I doubt she will be old enough to appreciate it for a long time. *sigh* Either way, I think I'll go... Even if I go alone.

I'm getting itchy to get my yard whipped into shape! I have some new landscaping in my back yard that got done late in the fall and still needs a little tweaking, alot of cleanup and I would really like to have a fire pit out back for some twilight marshmallow roasting with the family and maybe some friends too!!!
OOOOH the big plans of spring.... We shall see.

I have a little girl who has a little curl....

2010-02-28T19:28:00.000-05:00

Life with a 3 year old....
I had this little girl who was so sweet... and listened to what I told her to do....and now, she is slowly turning into an independant stubborn little sassy pants. Everyofne said it would happen, but I really didn't think it would...I mean, she was so good!... And now she is so...not.
I mean, don't get me wrong, she isn't terrible all the time, but like the old nursery rhyme goes..."When she is good she is very, very good, and when she is bad she is HORRID". They must have been talking about a three year old when they wrote that one.
This afternoon, Jen and her two daughters came by for a visit and to let the kids play together for a while. Carlie actually threw a xylaphone....THREW IT! Those things are HEAVY! Then proceeded to have a total melt down, hissy fit that got her taken out of the fun and games for the remainder of thier visit....I know that this too shall pass, and she's just testing her limits... but damn, it sucks.
Henri and I have made the very difficult decision to take her out of the daycare that she has been at since she was 1, and move her to the child care center that I work at. Tomorrow will be her class visit, so she will come to work with me. This ought to be interesting. I'm looking forward to getting to have her around me all day. It will be a challenge to keep my work and her pre-school life seperate.... But she is resilliant and has risen and conquored every challenge life has thrown at her with great success, so I am confident that this will be no different. She has a great way of rolling with the punches. I pray that this is a skill she keeps for life. If it is, I know that she will always do just fine. We are sad that she has to leave the comfortable small child care center that she has come to love and the fantastic teachers there who have the patience of saints... The one on one attention she has gotten there has made her thrive and she is a smart little cookie...But the root of life is change...and I guess there's no time like now to teach her that.

We are going to C.T. this coming weekend to visit my Father in Law before he leaves for his bird watching RV trip across the country. I love Western MA and CT. I miss the days when Henri lived in Springfield and we would pick a road on a Sunday morning and follow it just to see where it went. Or the trips to Fishkill NY to the I85 Diner for lunch and cheesecake... Those trips were usually filled with conversations about where our lives would be in 5 years and how nice it would be to be settled down. Funny, now we talk about how nice it would be to be able to do that trip again whenever we want... The grass is always greener.

VALENTINES DAY

2010-02-14T21:25:00.001-05:00

We had a great Valentines Day weekend. Carlie and I made this card for Henri and had a blast decorating it. There were roses and chocolates and Tinkerbelle lunchboxes full of little gifts....We all snuggled up on the big bed and watched G-Force...Which Carlie had absolutely NO interest in whatsoever.... But that was OK.

A few days ago however, it was anything but relaxing. We were all running around preparing for a blizzard of "epic proportions" according to the weather forcast... WRONG. We got about 6 inches of slush.... Some towns didn't even get snow! This is what our Main St. looked like the morning after our "BLIZZARD"

Inpassable huh? Oh well, it's just as well....Henri was up half the night and was out in our driveway at the crack of dawn salting and scraping the snow/slush mess. Such a great guy. My job dismissed early along with just about every other buisness in town...so it wasn't a total loss.

It's over.

2010-01-01T20:07:00.001-05:00

Well, The holiday's have come and gone without much fanfare. "Good" I say, I was looking for a fanfare-less kind of holiday season anyway this year.
Everytime someone asked me what I was doing for Christmas, I felt myself stiffen and a knot form in my stomach, because I knew the next line was coming..."Oh...This is your first Christmas without your Mom"....Yes... Thank you for reminding me. As if I need reminding.
I think my Mom was popping in and out on me alot during the last few days before Christmas to be sure I was alright, because I felt very peaceful about my first parentless Christmas. And even though it seemed like she was on my mind constantly, it was in a good way more than a sad way.
This year I felt more like a Mom myself than ever. Call me a spoiled only child, but Christmas has always been about "ME". Even the last couple years, of course we spoil Carlie and she gets more than she could ever want... but she was too young to really get it.     My Mom always spoiled me... I was her only child and that's what she did best. And no matter how old I was, I loved it...really, who wouldn't??? But not this year, for the first time in my life it was totally about someone else. Yup, it's official... I'm a grown up...like it or not.
Oh these life lessons are so much friggin fun.

    I had the week after Christmas off and so did Carlie. We hung out alot at home for most of the week, until New Years Eve day when we made a pilgrimage to Bostons Childrens Museum with Jen (Carlie's Godmother) and her two daughters Olivia and my Godchild Ava. We had a great time...The kids seemed to enjoy it too. There was so much to do and see it was absolutely amazing! I wanted to see it all, but we were short on time. It went pretty smoothly too!( if you don't count the fact that I was put in charge of "Ava watch" twice and lost her both times....But I found her...and that's what really matters).
   It was a much diffrent place than I remember. The last time I was there I think I was about 9 years old and the only thing that sticks out in my memory about the whole trip was that my Mother got screwed on a taxi ride from the bus station to the museum. From that point until today I have always thought of Boston as a bad place full of bad people. I have also learned through experiences in my fairly recent adult life that nothing good happens in Boston, so I normally avoid it like the plague.

It was a refreshing experience to go to Boston for some fun, not get screwed (except for the prices at the cafeteria in the museum) and to be able to relax and enjoy. Thank you Jen for that.

We got home by 6PM and I was expecting company for dinner and a movie...at 6PM. A quick txt to Henri to txt Thom and Amy and hold them off for a half hour longer...a whirlwind of putting toys away and wiping down the counters and bathroom...A zip trip to Windfall Market for dessert, snacks and a few essentials and VOILA! A New Years Eve shin-dig that would have made June Clever proud. (Except I forgot to put on my pearls). We watched Julie and Julia wich was FANTASTIC and ate Chineese food (Wich I detest...but seem to be the only one on earth that dislikes it). And had a great time visiting with friends that we haven't seen in far too long. Everyone went home early, Thom had to work at 5AM. Henri and I were in bed and watching CNN countdown to the New Year by 10:30PM. Perfect.

I recieved a few HAPPY NEW YEARS txt wishes and watched for my friends Andy and Jess in Key West on CNN LIVE till midnight. That was that. It's over. Happy 2010 and here's hoping we can all get through it healthy and happy and better off by the end of it.

How NOT to make a Gingerbread House.

2009-11-29T06:34:00.028-05:00

This is the story about the day that I decided to become a "Martha Stewart Mom" and make some memories with my daughter

Step 1.) Decide that since your husband has gone to a high school reunion for the weekend and it's raining, this would be a good time to "bond" with your daughter over a home baked gingerbread house...how festive!!! and how hard could it be...really???

Step 2.) Take your little angel to the grocery store and buy $29.00 worth of candy and

supplies...telling EVERYONE what a wonderful mother you are...and your going to bake a beautiful festive gingerbread house!!...Forget a bag of ingredients at Walmart and stop halfway through the recipe to load back up in the truck and go get said bag.....OK, back home...

Step3) Dress your daughter up in a new apron and get crackin! Within minutes use every mixing bowl in your tiny kitchen and have at least a pound of flour at your feet....but were having FUN!!!

Step4) Run out of molasses 1/2 cup short...but so what?...whose going to REALLY eat the walls???...Keep on baking!!!

(I am NOT going back to the store!!) The dough comes out great!! and actually seems like things are going remarkably well so far!!

Step5) Cut out the walls and roof using the downloaded template from the computer....Here is where things went wrong I will learn MUCH later....

Step6) Create a graham cracker cookie house for your daughter to keep her from asking you for the 1,000,000th time..."Mom, can we put the candy canes and marshmallows on now?" So she can do just that while the gingerbread house bakes and cools...and I sit down for a few minutes....This keeps her quiet for a while....(Because her mouth is now completely full of candy for pretty much the remainder of the day). This is where I stopped taking pictures because the house was done and it was time for me to start my "Creation".

Step 7) As I said in step 5...things went wrong at the "cutting out" point because the template "eluded" to a cut that shouldn't have been...I learned this as I was holding two walls up with one hand...trying to "glue" them together with my homemade Martha Stewart royal icing...propping up one side with a box of jell-o that I grabbed with my teeth from the cabinet and of course I couldn't let the walls go until the icing "set up" then, as I stood there going over the next step in my head the realization set in ...there was no place to attach my roof.....ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME???????

(probably a good thing there are no pictures of this particular part because it got ugly.)

I propped up the walls with everything I could reach and grabbed my roof to be SURE I wasn't mistaken. I wasn't. Just then, the whole thing imploded...one wall cracked in half and I snapped.

Step 8) Open the kitchen window and hurl the entire gingerbread house out of it. OH yes I did!!!

Carlie came out into the kitchen to say..."Mom?...Why you trow de gingerbwead house out de window?" Because I MESSED IT ALL UP!...(What a wonderful lesson to teach my impressionable daughter....But right then and there... I was too mad to care!!!)

She thought that was just hysterical, disappeared and returned with a pretzel..."Mom...You shawe my pretzew wid me?"
I wondered if anyone was walking down the street when I opened the window and flung a whole gingerbread house out it... My neighbors must think by now I'm a lunatic, this isn't the first kitchen disaster to go out my window....

Step 9) So now what do I do with the fact that I have all this friggin candy and no gingerbread house?

I go to Shaw's and buy that damned kit that I scoffed at a week ago thinking...."That's for losers... I can make my OWN!" HA HA HA!!! Foolish me.

So at 6:30pm I loaded up Cricket Carlie and myself and we headed to the store to by the "Looser Gingerbread house kit" just to get the FRIGGIN THING DONE!!! After that, we stopped at McDonalds for dinner ( Because we've eaten so healthy so far all day, why break a cycle?) And then headed home.

Step 10) Once we ate our most nutritious dinner, I opened the " Looser kit" and took out the dinkiest little cardboard looking un appetizing gingerbread house I have ever seen..."F____IT!" I dove in with every bag of candy I had and decorated the hell out of that house!!

Carlie had long since lost total interest in anything but stuffing as much candy into her mouth as possible and was continually hopping at this point on a crack like sugar high while watching NICK JR. for the third cosecutive hour.

Before I knew it it was 8:30PM and I had run out of places to stick candy onto this little creation of mine. THANK GOD THAT IS OVER!!!!

Step11) Survey the damage. After all was said and done, the kitchen was DESTROYED. Royal icing by the way sets up to a cement like substance that can only be removed with scalding hot water and a putty knife. I had dishes everywhere and I was stepping on graham crackers, candy and chunks of gingerbread house everywhere I went...(This was SUCH a good idea).

So after bribing Carlie into my bed and getting her to lie still for 5 minutes she passed out cold.

I did the dishes....chiseled off the counter tops and made myself a spiked eggnog with an Excedrin chaser.

I will probably never attempt this again...good thing I took these pictures so I can one day prove that I made an effort at being a "Martha Stewart Mom". But by then, Carlie will know me well enough to realize I tried...and it's not me. And I think I just realized that too.

Lazy Thanksgivings are the BEST!!

2009-11-26T17:20:00.005-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I'm sitting here waiting for the turkey to finish it's last 15 minutes in the oven.

Everything else is done and I am looking forward to getting this turkey dinner over with so I can finally have some PIE!!! The dinner is the formality before the dessert as far as I'm concerned.

I have spent a very quiet relaxing day with my family today. We are eating a little later than most...probably around 6pm..but that gave us the day to just sit around....and do NOTHING!

We woke up and lounged in bed (ALL of us) till around 9am. Then I got up...got Carlie her Ovaltine, got us some coffee and had a scrumptous breakfast of homemade banana bread and cranberry bread slathered in REAL butter.... (As much as I dislike Rachael Rae...I have to use her description because it suits the moment..."YUM-O"!!) We had drop in guests later in the morning, Jen and her girls Ava and Olivia popped in and caught me in my robe, still glowing from breakfast and my house in turmoil. (I am thankful for friends that show up un announced that don't make me panic about those things!!) So I sat around in my robe and got to have a bonus visit with Jen, while the girls enjoyed some time together playing in Carlie's room.

After they left...(around 1pm) I shamed myself into getting myself and my daughter into some clothes finally...I mean, It IS a holiday...we should probably get dressed at some point... And we started cooking. Once the turkey was in and everything else was ready to go, Henri headed out to the store for a few forgotten items and while he was there, he hit up a "Red box" and got the Disney movie "UP". We all sat in the living room and enjoyed a quiet afternoon with each other.

Besides a few phone calls from friends with Thanksgiving wishes...we were just "here" and it was heaven.

Took a break from blogging to eat dinner and now I can finish this post by saying...dinner was great...

BRING ON THE PIE!!!!!

So THERE!

2009-11-19T21:53:00.004-05:00

Today is my 19 year anniversary at the VNA. It came and went without any fanfare...I made it a point to tell at least 6 people today... I got a grin and a "Oh WOW! Congratulations!" That was about it. It seems surreal to me that I am old enough to have been at a job for this long. I am standing on the edge of a cliff at 39 and teetering on the brink of 40. (Yes, that was a necessary analogy.) I am still not sure how I feel about that. One part of me is saying."Suck it up, so your 40...so what?" And another part of me is cringing at the thought. 40 is "old". ( Sorry to any 40 year old's reading this, but it's the damned truth.) I remember thinking 30 was old...so 40 must be REALLY old. I was just told the other day that I look like I'm in my early 30's. My response to that was, "Fat don't crack". And It's true. So there's one good thing about being a round girl.

I was reading my blog back to this time last year and thinking about how much can change in just one year. I am so glad that I started blogging, because I realized what a nice chronicle it is of my life. The pictures and the day to day things that go on that I have forgotten about in this whirlwind of the past year...I am especially grateful that I blogged about not having enough pie dough to make pinwheels with Carlie last Thanksgiving. I forgot about that and probably would have done the same thing again this year! I'm looking forward to the holidays with mixed emotions. I feel like a grown up more without my Mom around and am trying hard to remember that Christmas is for the children. And at the same time realizing that I am no ones child anymore. So weird.

I'm going to be taking a to a trip down Rt.6A this Saturday with a good friend. We'll be stopping at the artisan stores and visitng gift shops that smell like cinnamon, and I'll get to spend some rare time with a great friend who works allot. I can hardly wait! I'm sure there will be lots of laughing... a stop (or two) at Dunkin Donuts for coffee... and hopefully a lunch. There may be trouble though, there usually is...I'll keep you posted.

I'll be looking forward to doing something different,having some fun and beginning my Christmas shopping!! CHA-CHING!

I'm back.

2009-11-11T18:45:00.002-05:00

Where do I start??
I am slowly getting used to the fact that my Mom is gone. The urge to call her has subsided. I visited her grave for the first time last week to check on the engraving I had done. It looks nice. The grass is so green on top of the gravesite it looks fake. I probably won't go back there for a long long time.
I left the safety of my old job for a new challenge at a Child Care center as the Administrative Assistant. I love it, the people are great and friendly...I go over to the old office for lunch with my friends every day. It's such a nice change of pace to work with kids again. I dont miss the old job even a little.
We decided that Rufus would be better off with a new home. A friend of mine from work happened to be looking for a dog and she offered to dog sit for him while Henri went to Maine and I went to NH with the girls for a weekend. Rufus never came home. They loved him and kept him and that was fine with me. I have guilt over letting him down, but am glad he is with this family. They have two girls 10 and 12 and they walk him every day and take him to a nearby beach to run. Perfect for Rufy. Cricket has settled back into being an only dog quite well. She's doing well considering her whole little life was flipped upside down too. It took a little adjustment time, but I think were all good now. She has been so good with Carlie and I am amazed at how patient she has been with being attacked by a 3 year old. She's coming along.
Carlie is now in a big girl bed, going on day 4. So far so good. She's talking and singing constantly and is more fun every day. I wish my Mother could be here to hear all the things she says and does...it kills me she's missing it all.
Henri's job is going well...It's not turning out to be all that was promised (as usual) but he's hanging in there. He leaves early and comes home late and is running constantly. We look forward to weekends, but even the weekends we dont plan anything seem to fill up with things to keep us busy. Were looking forward to the holidays and greatful were all working and healthy. That's cause for us to celebrate after these past couple of years!!!

Yuck

2009-07-02T21:32:00.002-04:00

Mom died of cancer last week. Yuck.
I have incredible friends. I am incredibly blessed. I am..................................the last one here from my immediate family. I hate that.
I'm so sad for my Mom that she didn't get more time with my daughter. I am so sad for my daughter that she didnt get more time with my Mom. I belive that life is a journey and that everything that happens is part of the overall lessons we need to learn in order to move forward.
Part of this lesson for me is patience. Is appreciation. Is courage.
Life doesnt suck. It is what you make it....even the bad stuff.

It's been a while...

2009-06-17T21:15:00.006-04:00

Seems longer than three months since I last posted... Carlie is talking like a little trooper, she is just so friggin adorable and we are so desperately in love with her. I recently found out that a local dance school takes children under 3years old. HOW DID I MISS THAT??? I am so mad at myself for finding this out now....but I plan on finding a dance class that will fit into my schedule and dress this girl in some tights and dance shoes!... I took ballet class when I was three, and just loved it and my teacher, Mrs. Koenig- who was Belgian ( I believe) and the A typical ballet teacher.
She had long white hair always tight in a pony tail or bun. She wasn't much bigger than we were at the time and she spoke with a thick accent...I just adored her!! I remember the leotards and the ballet shoes and the smell of the hall that we were using for the class... It makes me smile to think about it. I would love for Carlie to have that too. My husband finally landed a great job off Cape. It was a long hard time with him out of work, but things seem to be looking up for him on the workfront. My Mom isn't doing very well, that's all I'll say about that.
Work is busy and things are still and always changing...I don't know where this chapter in my life is going to take me, but I sense a shift coming...I think with just about everything. Luckily I have my "soft place to fall" here with my family and I am so greatful that I have my husbands support behind everything I do. Thank God for him and his understanding...he's truely my best friend. That's all for now...I'll update with some dance-er-ific news ASAP.

Pure Heaven.

2009-03-06T21:45:00.004-05:00

So I live in this tiny little house...a cottage really. And long ago I had my own little space all set up here in my little cottage,with my painting stuff and my scrapbooking stuff....and all my little drawing books and crafty things...It was pure heaven.

Then we had a baby.

I lost my place and the craft area became the crib area and I had to move to the basement. I didn't like it there one bit. It was icky, and cold and spidery and dark and too far away from my baby. So I didn't really create anything for a very long time. Then, my husband had a great idea. He said I should use the breakfast nook as a craft room! What a GREAT idea!!!! So, we bought a huge butcher block table from a friend, Henri put together a couple pieces of leftover office furniture for some storage and then hooked my computer up and set it all up for me.....and guess what? I HAVE A CRAFTROOOM!!!!!!!!!!! I am so psyched. I can scrapbook and not have to worry about putting it all away halfway through a page!....I can paint and not have to move everything for lunch!

I can draw and be totally in my own space but not too far away from everyone else in the house!....I really needed this. I already feel better. I feel like creating! I just don't know where to start? Do I paint something? Do I scrapbook my 3,000 pictures from the birth to most recent birthday of my daughter? It's the best kind of predicament. I highly recommend a space like this. it's like thereapy.

THIS IS WHAT I NEED......

2009-03-03T21:08:00.004-05:00

SHUT UP AND BE GREATFUL.

2008-12-27T11:48:00.002-05:00

This year we were the recipients of some extremely generous gifts.
It hasn't been a very abundant year for us, and we haven't had the best luck with health in the family...But we have good friends who are so supportive and are willing to attend my own personal pitty parties. We were overwhelmed with the generosity and good will this Christmas
So, I think I'll just start focusing on all the blessings we have and shut up.
Carlie was so inundated with gifts this year that she actually stopped opening gifts halfway thru Christmas, and refused to open anymore....then dissolved in tears onto my lap.
A Little break for some juice and a snack and she was right back there, neck deep in ribbon and wrapping paper.
Mom was actually feeling good, and came over around 8am Christmas morning!
My Father-in-law is here with us until Sunday or Monday and seems to be having a good time with Carlie. Of course she LOVES his attention)
Today my Brother and Sister-in-law are coming and were going to the Brazilian Grille for dinner.
I'll post some pic's asap.

I'M BETTER NOW.....

2008-12-19T11:33:00.002-05:00

Mom's back to her old self again...THANK GOD
Still having some issues, but she's OK.
We actually got a Christmas tree the other night!
Can I find time to do anything else?... We'll see.
At least it's going to snow. :)

TIS THE SEASON TO BE JOLLY????

2008-12-17T09:08:00.004-05:00

OK, Here's how my Christmas season is going so far this year....
My husband is having a hell of a time finding work, my daughter has had a fever for the last 4 days and has been attatched at my hip, I spent the last half of my 39th birthday in the ER with my Mother who had a bad reaction to some medication she was prescribed and now has spent the last 3 days at my house, halucinating, babbling and uttering nonsense too confused to be home alone. We havent gotten a christmas tree...I have projects I can't even begin and I have no money to do any Christmas shopping...OH and also, I have to work this coming weekend, so there goes any grain of time to do anything anyway!. I think we just need to postpone Christmas this year at our house. I never thought I'd say this, as Christmas is my (usually)FAVORITE time of year but here it goes...BAH HUMBUG!!!! There, I said it...on the record. I can't even listen to Christmas music as it just depresses me. OH did I mention that I got my daughters cold?...ya...that too.
I think I'll just crawl back into bed...wake me when it's spring.

2008-12-07T14:32:00.003-05:00

I lost a friend/co-worker the other night, She went to bed and just never woke up...She was only 42. I don't know why she didn't wake up, I just know that she will be deeply missed. She was funny and fair and a truely nice person. She also knew how to do her job well and the department she was in will never be able to replace her. She was also a big pain in the butt, but that's one of the reasons I liked her.
I feel for her family...They seemed like they really needed her. It's all very sad.
I decided to go to the wake in Bourne last week and took my friend Amy there as well. I had to stop for gas and when I began to pull out of the gas station to merge onto the highway my truck died at the bottom of the exit from the gas station. If I had started to pull out I would have been sitting in oncoming traffic....THANK YOU GUARDIAN ANGELS!!!
Amy and I waited from 5:30-7pm for AAA to come and tow me the thirty feet backwards into the service station parkinglot because the tow truck wasn't there!!....UUUGH Needless to say we missed the wake, Amy went to the burial and memorial service, but I stayed at work and skipped it. I am just not good at the whole consoleing thing.
I'll send a card.
Anyway, the truck looks like it needs a fuel pump and there goes my bonus check we use for Christmas shopping every year..... ....What next? Can we have a run on GOOD luck for a while now?...PLLLLEEEEAAASE??????

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2008-11-29T21:09:00.004-05:00

I really do get a kick out of saying Merry Christmas for the first couple of weeks after Thanksgiving...Especially when I get a snarl in response. Some people just don't get the Christmas spirit as soon as we do around here I guess.
Carlie and I met Fooseberry and her Mom Mary Ann with Foosebery's girls Olivia and Ava at Mahoney's this morning for pictures with Santa! Carlie had a little problem sitting in Santa's lap and it definitely shows in the picture...she looks HORRIFIED.
After that, Carlie and I stopped at Sherwin Williams so that I can finally pick out a paint color for our bathroom, bu I couldn't decide and came home for some inspiration and advice. A year or so ago I came up with the brilliant idea to paint our bathroom a grayish purple. I went to the store and bought the paint and brought it home and SLAPPED it up in the bathroom. WELL..... It wasn't exactly the color I thought it would be. It was more like a grape purple....and the walls needed prep.....and my husband was ready to kill me because it looked awful...I mean BAAAAD....And we've lived with it like that ever since. In the meantime, we developed this mildew problem. So between the terrible grape paint job, there was this mildew issue going on as well. NOT PRETTY. 2 weeks ago we decided enough was enough and my husband stripped the whole bathroom, sanded fixed,filled holes...and primed the whole room white. I found this adorable shower curtain pink with little white daisies with yellow centers that I just bought on Overstock. So after consulting with my decorating advisor I have decided to keep the bathroom white and just do pink and maybe yellow accents... maybe even freehand a few of those daisies here and there on the walls. Were putting up shelving and hopefully organizing our lives alittle bit finally. At least it will look nice for the holidays, I expect my husbands family on Christmas eve. so...MERRY CHRISTMAS!

HOT DAMN I DID IT

2008-11-27T21:18:00.002-05:00

Ok, It has its flaws....but I made my first pie's.....from scratch...crust and all.
To anyone who is a seasoned cook (no pun intended) this might not seem like a big deal, but to me it's HUGE I have had this fear of making pie pastry forever! Since Mom wasn't up to doing the pies this year...(we put her on cranberry sauce duty) It was up to me. I started out Wednesday morning by baking 4 loaves of bread, 2 Cranberry orange and 2 Pumpkin raisin. About 3pm I started getting my nerve up to tackle this whole pastry thing. I figured I would do this later in the day so that when Carlie came home from school, she and I could do cinnimon pinwheels from the left over pastry like I used to do with my Mom when I was a kid.
I made an apple pie and a pumpkin pie and guess what? NO PIE DOUGH LEFTOVER!!!
The part I was so looking forward too..... no go. So for next year... 3 batches of pie pastry and damn it Carlie and I are going to be in cinnimon pinwheel heaven. We were robbed!!!
I woke up this morning and started right in...prepping everything and planning. Mom and my Aunt Ann were going to come here for dinner...around 10:30am Mom called and told me that she wasn't up to going anywhere today so we shifted to plan B We were going to her house and brining the whole dinner with us. About 4 O'clock we got there and had a great dinner. Mom was wiped out by the whole thing so we packed it all up and were home and in jammies by 7pm.
I am so figgin tired I don't know how I'm sitting here typing!! It was nice to do the whole dinner myself, it made me feel good to be able to do that for my Mom after all the years she did it for us...kind of like she passed the torch. Now I get to do this for Carlie....how cool is that?
Happy Thanksgiving!!!!...oh and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

2008-11-25T09:09:00.000-05:00

HAPPY WINTER

2008-11-24T23:11:00.002-05:00

Damn it's gotten cold outside!! What happened to fall? I looked outside yesterday and it was summer, this morning was fall and now there's flurries and it's 24 friggin degrees outside. Where is the time going???
My baby girl is now a little girl and I'm staring down the gun barrell of 40. How did this happen? I'm not supposed to get old, everyone else is. DID SOMEONE NOT GET THE MEMO??

FIRST HAIRCUT

2008-11-15T16:27:00.005-05:00

WE COULDNT BELIEVE HOW GOOD CARLIE WAS FOR HER FIRST HAIRCUT. WE TOOK HER TO SNIP IT'S IN PLYMOUTH. THE GIRL WHO CUT HER HAIR WAS NAMED TINA AND SHE WASN'T AT ALL THE TYPE OF PERSONALITY I EXPECTED TO MEET IN A HAIR SALON FOR KIDS. SHE WAS SORT OF GRUMPY, NOT VERY FRIENDLY AND DEFINATLEY NOT INTERESTED IN MAKING SMALL TALK. WHILE SHE CUT THOSE CURLS OFF AND THEY SWIRLED TO THE FLOOR IN SOFT GOLD PILES, I WAS IN NEED OF SOME REASSURANCE AND WASN'T ABOUT TO GET IT FROM TINA . HENRI TOOK THE TRUCK OVER TO BJ'S FOR A CHEAP FILL UP ON GAS WHILE THIS WAS ALL GOING ON BECAUSE HE COULDN'T BARE TO SEE IT HAPPEN.

THE HAIRCUT COST $16.95 AND I INSISTED IN BAGGING UP EVERY SINGLE CURL THAT CAME OFF AND TOOK THEM ALL HOME. CARLIE GOT A PRIZE AND A TRIM, HER HAIR LOOKS MUCH HEALTHIER AND SHE'S CUTE AS EVER....OF COURSE. AS FOR TINA, I THINK WE'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE NEXT TIME.

WEEKEND GET AWAY

2008-11-15T15:49:00.006-05:00

WE FINALLY MADE IT UP TO NEW HAMPSHIRE IN MID OCTOBER.

HENRI'S DAD CAME UP TOO. WE WERE THERE FROM FRIDAY TILL SUNDAY AFTERNOON. WE HAD CRYSTAL CLEAR BLUE SKIES AND TEMPERATURES IN THE 60's THE WHOLE TIME. THE LEAVES WERE AT PEAK AND IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

WE TOOK A COUPLE TRIPS TO THE PIERMONT FARM AND SAW THE COWS,HORSES, CHICKENS AND PIGS, THE PUMPKINS WERE EVERYWHERE AND IT WAS THE PICTURE PERFECT AUTUMN COUNTRY TRIP. CARLIE WAS BESIDE HERSELF WITH THE COWS. SHE WOULDNT GO VERY CLOSE BUT SHE WAS FASCINATED WITH THEM.

WE WENT TO NORTH CONWAY FOR LUNCH TOOK THE KANKAMANGAS TRAIL AND STOPPED ALONG THE WAY TO SEE THE SIGHTS.

WE TOOK OUR TIME HEADING HOME AND ALL IN ALL IT WAS A GREAT WEEKEND.

CARLIE AND "GUMPA" HAD A BALL TOGETHER, AND SHE ASKED FOR HIM FOR DAYS AFTER.

IT'S BEEN A WHILE.....

2008-11-13T08:56:00.006-05:00

Sorry I haven't blogged in a while.... I recently got a comment from a post in June and realized that that's the last time I blogged. So alohas happened since June. Henri's job with the bank wasn't all it was cracked up to be. They decided a mutual parting of the ways was the best thing. So were back to that again. He's been sending out resume's like mad but due to this lovely economy, the interviews are coming few and far between.

Mom was in remission for all of about 5 minutes. Her tumor grew some more and she's back on chemo. This cocktail of chemo s making her sick as a dog. Hopefully we'll have a happy ending. My job was sheer hell all summer but were fully staffed now and things have settled down and I'm back to just doing my own job.... Thank God!!

Halloween was a blast this year, Carlie was a cow and moo'd herself silly. She started out in her costume at 10 in the morning, we went to visit Uncle Andy, Jess at the coffee shop, the VNA luncheon then home for a break to set up the walkway for trick or treaters. Back in the costume and over to Nanna's then home for trick or treating! By the fourth house she wouldn't even moo anymore we were exhausted. I couldn't get us home fast enough. We were in our jammies and cuddled up in the big chair for the rest of the night. I love being a Mom.

New Hampshire

2008-08-22T21:39:00.003-04:00

I am dreaming about New Hampshire now.....

I got a comment from my smart ass friend Fooseberry and now I can't stop thinking about going to New Hampshire. I absolutely love it up north, and she knows it.

Our family friends own a "cabin" in New Hampshire ( I say cabin but it's actually a house)

I've been going up there since I was 17 years old. Back then it was me, Susan and Lisa. It was always an adventure. I couldn't even get into some of the scandals that went on there, but we always had something to talk about after we got home. Lisa and Susan tolerated each other most of the time but they had some moments that I thought they were going for blood, and that left me running interference the entire weekend. Good thing there was plenty of liquor up there. Then the boyfriends came up. And there were fights and pissy attitudes and drama. Then we got it together, Lisa moved away and we all got married. I think the best part is that I got to get married there. I can't believe now I'm going to be bringing my daughter there...Time sure flies.

DANCING IN THE RAIN

2008-08-22T07:17:00.002-04:00

Is it Friday yet???
I have been waiting for this weekend and dreaming of this weekend for half a month. The fact is I have NO plans!! I am just going to go with the flow and enjoy having no where to be and nothing to do ( except a million home projects but they don't count) We have no company coming, no parties to attend, no appointments to keep....aaah heaven!
My job has been really getting to me lately. We have a girl out on FMLA right now and I'm getting PORKED with all her work. I'm not really liking it, there's not much I can do about it and it doesn't look like she's coming back right away so I guess I'm stuck.
I spent 45 minutes ranting about my job to my husband last night and that's not like me. I'm so frustrated with the whole situation. I love my job when I can do MY job and not my job AND someone else's.
I need a vacation. I mean a real vacation...where I DON'T have to help my mother move or I'm not on Maternity leave running back and forth to Boston and trying to heal from an emergency C-section, a vacation where I can actually recharge and get a fresh perspective. Unfortunately I don't see anything like that coming my way any time soon.
I think I need to sit and draw more. I defiantly need to draw more...but when? Maybe this weekend I can talk Henri into taking Carlie and disappearing for a few hours while I sit and decompress with some paper and my favorite pencil. Having time to draw is like meditation to me. I can sit and draw and hours slip away without notice. Inspiration...That's what I need. I haven't been really inspired to draw something in so long it's ridiculous. Maybe I'll work on getting inspired today. I recently discovered a saying that I promptly posted at my desk at work. "It's not about making it through the storm, It's about learning to dance in the rain."
So today I'm gonna dance.

REMISSION!!!!

2008-08-13T08:29:00.007-04:00

REMISSION!!! Mom got the news a couple of weeks ago. Her doctors are amazed at how well she tolerated chemo and at the fact that it worked so fast.

The following week she got a blood clot in her leg....life is a roller coaster huh??

Henri and I have been working on cleaning out some of the accumulated CRAP we seem to have compiled over the past 6 years that we've been in this house. How does it happen? I remember walking into this house completely empty and thinking...I'm never going to have enough stuff to fill all this space.....HA HA HA HA HA!!!!.... Oh how foolish.

I took 3 bags of old clothes and shoes out of the bedroom. We tore up the rug and rearranged the furniture a little. What a difference. NEXT is the basement (cue creepy music)

My daughter had her final evaluation by early intervention this week and has been labeled a perfectly normal child. Sweetest words anyone ever said to us. She comes up with a new word about every day which thrills us to no end, except the occasional swear...I really have no idea where she would hear words like that. Probably cable.

We had a death in the family....Bubbles got the Ick and died a week ago. Carlie hasn't seemed to notice and were on the fence about getting another fish or not. I asked about bereavement days but my boss thought I was joking.... go figure.

WE WENT TO THE FAIR!!!

2008-07-22T08:31:00.004-04:00

For as far back as I can remember, my Mom has taken me to the fair. It was always the highlight of my summer. I loved the animals, the crafts, the smells, the people....I just love the fair. We almost always had an entry in some category or another. Mostly Chickens, ducks one year and rabbits a few times. We won a few, but mostly it was just being part of the fair that was the most important part for us. I remember one year we entered my rooster"Brandon" and my father "hypnotized" him by holding him upside down and gently stroking his throat and chest. He drew a crowd and the rooster was sound asleep. I thought I had the coolest Dad. I remember entering our Basset hound "Angel" in the dog show and winning first place. When I turned 12 I could volunteer and I did...every year in the chick hatching exhibit. I used to get such a kick out of handing kids the little balls of fluffy just hatched chicks, I loved answering questions about egg hatching and incubating and taking care of the newly hatched chicks.

Then I turned into a teenager...That was the end of my volunteering for a while. I would rather go to the carnival with my friends and "hang out", not be stuck in one place all day. When I was in my 20's I volunteered again for a few years but that was about it. I found other things to do and my allegiance to the fair started to fade. I skipped a few years, it's been sporadic ever since. But last night we went to the fair with Carlie....It was like seeing the fair for the first time all over again! Henri and I made a mad dash for the farm animals. We whisked her in to see the cows , the sheep, the turkeys....and she was TERRIFIED of all. NOT what I was anticipating. Oh well... maybe next year. She did hold a chick, but it was so F#$%^ing hot in there it was almost impossible to breathe. She did say "MOOOO" alot for the rest of the night, so I think she might have enjoyed the cows despite her reaction. We had "fair food" for dinner, Italian ice, fried dough, potato pancakes and a deep fried Twinkies. I wanted to get her a huge cotton candy but forgot as we made our way to the carnival side of the fair. I don't think I have ever seen so many people at the fair at one time. It was RIDICULOUS!!! It was going on 8:30pm, way past bedtime, hotter than hell and crowded loud and obnoxious. We had enough. Henri and I couldn't get to our car fast enough. both of us were dripping with sweat, it was so bad. In the end we decided it was a good time, but we were both glad it only comes once a year.

2008-07-15T15:31:00.009-04:00

OK...so my Mother- in- law passed away Tuesday of last week.
It was a blessing that she died so quickly...she was in alot of uncontrolled pain. From the time she found out she had cancer to her death was 2 weeks. Henri and I took Carlie and Rufus to Ct. this past weekend to see his Dad and meet up with Henri's Aunt Leila and cousin Lorena. Lou and Liz (Henri's brother and our sister-in-law) were supposed to show up, but didn't make it.
We got there late Saturday afternoon( our 5th wedding anniversary too by the way:)), Lorena who is my age and Leila who is Lorena's mother were there already from Boston. We hung out on the deck with everyone, had a couple cocktails and enjoyed the peace and quiet of the area. It's definatly BOONIES Connecticut.
Carlie was having a great time running up and down the deck...unfortunately it was pretty high up and not exactly "kid friendly" so we all took turns saving her life.
Rufus stayed right around the yard which I was surprised at, but Lorena brought her dog Sebastian with her and the "cousins" had a good romp together, that was what kept Rufus from going somewhere else for entertainment. It was good for him to be able to blow off some steam and run a while. Me,Henri, Carlie,Rufus and Lorena all slept in the camper in the driveway. It was kind of like a slumber party. We ended the night by
Lorena giving me a belly dance lesson....good visual? or what?
Sunday,Lorena and Leila left for home, so we took Dad with us to the butterfly gardens in Deerfield. http://www.magicwings.com/ I have been wanting to bring Carlie there since I was first pregnant. The place is amazing, and beautiful. Henri took me there while we were dating. As a matter of fact, We almost got married there.
Anyway.... Carlie had a BLAST . The butterflies are all over the place, there's so many that all you can feel is wings brushing past you... It's absolutely enchanting.
Henri and I were going to go to our favorite restaurant in Springfield Saturday night to celebrate our anniversary just the two of us, but we decided to invite Henri's Dad to go and I decided I wanted Carlie to go too. (Lou and Liz were going to babysit) I would tell you the name of the place, but it's German and I would absolutely BUTCHER the name....so if you want to know that bad, call me, I'll say it to you. ANYWAAAAY......... We had some time before our dinner reservations after the butterfly garden, so we took a ride up to Mt. Sugarloaf http://www.mtsugarloaf.com/ and walked up to the observation tower. What a beautiful day it was up there! We even got to see 3 juvenile parogren falcons!! After that we made our way thru Springfield and we all had an FABULOUS dinner, and for dessert, Bananas Foster ...The waitress made it at the table and Carlie was AMAZED with the whole prep...and then they set it on FIRE!, You should have seen her eye's bug out when flames came up!!!
It was a good day and a good end. We got back to Ct. and all went to bed early. I was EXHAUSTED!
Monday morning we left for home. It was 2 days that felt like a week. I don't think I appreciated my A/C enough before this trip...I do now!!! I think Dad is bringing his camper to my friend Andy's boat yard and leaving it there for the summer so he'll have his own space and can visit whenever he wants. That's good, I think Henri's a little worried about his dad. He seems a little lost. I imagine I would be a little lost too after 43 years your other half is suddenly missing...I don't even want to imagine what that's like. I just hope he comes around often and visits Carlie. She ADORES him and he adores her. It's really something to see.

Bad news/Good news

2008-07-10T08:01:00.003-04:00

My mother in law passed away Tuesday afternoon.
My husband is doing fine....He went to see her in the hospital knowing that she was dying and said goodbye. He got his closure. I'm sorry Carlie won't remember her Grandmother, she adored Carlie and called her " little darlin'". She's being cremated, no funeral.
Henri, Carlie, Rufus and I are heading out to Ct. this weekend to spend the weekend with his Dad. Saturday happens to be our 5th wedding anniversary, we are going to do a little Western Ma. tour I hope. I wanted to go to our favorite German restaurant in Springfield on Saturday night, but Henri's Aunt and cousin are going to be visiting at his parents house on Saturday, so we'll have to postpone that dinner till Sunday. Maybe we can pawn Carlie off on Uncle Lou and Auntie Liz for a while for that.
I really am looking forward to being back in Ct. and Western Ma. again...too bad it's for this.

On a brighter note, my Mom had an appointment with her Oncologist yesterday and got good news. She has one more chemo appointment and then back to Jordan hospital for a PET scan to see if she needs ANY MORE CHEMO!!!.... She might not need it anymore!!!....How cool is that?
I can't believe how well she's tolerated the whole thing. She's exhausted all the time, anemic and her O2 levels are a little out of whack at times but overall, she has done Amazingly well....Everyone including her doctor is impresed....WHEW!
Guess I better start my day. More later....bye

My lovely neighborhood

2008-07-05T15:26:00.003-04:00

The weekend visitors next door have turned into a week long war with a house full of 20 something year olds...Henri had to run to Ct. to see his Mom who is in the hospital from her pain and I was here with Carlie by myself. Wednesday night, those little bastards were so obnoxious it was ridiculous. I woke up at 11:30 to-Hooting and hollering, 2am-screaming and loud music, 3am-car alarm, 4am-car alarm...now I am PISSED. 5am-car alarm, 7am- Carlie. I was so tired and so angry.... 10am Carlie and I marched over there. The yard was so full of cars, they were parked all over the front and back yard. The first car I came across was full of guys getting ready to go to the beach by the looks of it. I snapped at the first kid that made eye contact- "I want to know who's in charge of this house. You guys kept me awake all night and I.. AM.. PISSED!"
I think I scared him because he looked stunned and muttered..." uh, I don't know" Then ducked his head in the car like he was asking one of his friends but then he wasn't brave enough to make eye contact again with me. So another kid got out of the back seat after they decided I wasn't going away and said " I think the gentleman your looking for is inside, I'll get him." A couple minutes later this guy came out...( damn he's fine.) He introduced himself as "Jay" and listened politely as I told him off. ( the whole time Carlie's blowing him kisses...not helping!) He was apologetic and said that Thursday night was the last party, then they were leaving. He promised that they would bring it inside at 11:30pm and that they would try to keep it down until then. He seemed sincere, and as I said before...I know what it's like, I've been there. So I shook his hand and left on a positive note. Later that day, he came to my door and brought me a bottle of wine all wrapped up with a bow to thank me for coming over and speaking to him and not just calling the cops. ( which I did already that week) Nice of him, so I shook his hand again and he got a kiss blown to him from Carlie. That night they were pretty good, I slept the night through. But THEN...
I woke up to BLASTING country music, an arriving parade of motorcycles, and the entire house next door chanting "U-S-A!- U-S-A!- U-S-A!" Happy fourth of July.
This went on all day....Needless to say Carlie and I didn't spend much time outside.
Well... I survived, This morning they all left in a long parade of cars, and as they passed my house, they honked and waved....little assholes.

WHAT I DID ON MY SUMMER VACATION

2008-06-29T21:21:00.004-04:00

Today is the end of my week long vacation with Carlie..... I am going to miss her so much tomorrow when I go back to work.

Just in this past week she's done so many new things....I can't believe how fast she's learning and how many new words she has....I LOVE it. We went to the Strawberry festival and went shopping, we visited my girlfriends at work in Hyannis. We went for trike rides and dips in the pool...I think my favorite part of this week was just swinging on my glider with Carlie. When I got that glider, I sat on it wishing and dreaming of having a baby....Then, while I was pregnant I sat there dreaming about swinging with the baby when it was born.

When Carlie was in the NICU in Boston I sat there and prayed ALOT for her... And can't help but to think of that while she's sitting across from me now , singing twinkle twinkle little star and smiling.... What a blessing she is.

We had the weekend renters from HELL next door again.

My neighborhood is pissed about the parties they have when they come down.

I heard 3 neighbors today complaining about them and telling me that they called the police a few times last night. It's a big group of kids ( yes i said kids) in thier 20's and having a damned good time....I've kept my share of neighbors awake till the wee hours of the morning....I figure this is payback. Two of the "kids" came over this evening and apologized for last night. Unfortunately they are still there, so I fear this might be an all week thing.... It'll be interestiong to say the least.

It's almost bed time...Gotta get up and go to work tomorrow....wish me a quiet night??!!

2008-06-27T07:34:00.003-04:00

So far so good..... Mom is still tolerating chemo like a champ. She even came and picked up her dog and took her home the other day ( good sign)
Henri's mom on the other hand is in alot of pain and was planning a trip here this coming weekend but cancelled due to the pain she's in. They are going to start her out with radiation on her back to try and alleviate some of the tumor that is causing it all....
On a happier note, I have been on vacation all week with my daughter! We took a trip with Dad Monday to Taunton to buy a trike from a woman I found on Craigs list. WE LOVE IT and she was really cool.... she gave us alot of books and some laminated pages of to do ideas that I am dying to try.
Tuesday we filled up the swimming pool in he back yard and Carlie got in.... too cold, but she stood and splashed and drank , I gave her the hose and she had fun with that too.
We went to the children's museum in Mashpee with her early intervention nurse Carol Wednesday, there were about 10 6-8 year olds in there raising holy hell and kind of took the place over, so until they left it wasn't much fun....But once they were gone Carlie got to do what she wanted and had a good time.
Today were going to make play dough and go out on the porch with it if it isn't too muggy.
I might try to get over to FooseBerry's too...We were there yesterday to pick up a couple yard toys (THANKS JEN!!) And had a great time with her and Ava, Olivia and Caleb the monster boxer....I described him to my husband as Rufus plus 30 lbs...you have my sympathy Jen.
We had a great time in the HUGE backyard...must be nice.
Also, I got to see my Mom's old house and what the new owners did to it so far yesterday morning...OMG it's beautiful!!! They knocked out walls and re did the bathroom and ...wow.
for years we talked about what we would do to the house if we had the money to do it ,but never even thought about what they did... it's great, Must be nice to have that kind of money.
Well....Carlie's running around now with her shirt over her head so I think I better go before she hits the hutch head on.....

2008-06-20T06:43:00.002-04:00

Mom is doing great, her cyst has disappeared on her arm which is what they are using as a guide to see if the chemo is working or not. Her doctor is THRILLED with the results. She has been tolerating chemo so far pretty damned good, She's tired, but hasn't lost her hair at all and as usual is in good spirits. but they keep saying it gets worse... So we wait for the other shoe to drop....Such is life.
On the other hand.... Got a call from Henri's mom yesterday...Her cancer is back. It's in her bones- spine, hip and liver. This poor woman's hair just grew back from the breast cancer treatments she finished this past winter!!!
Henri was thinking about taking Roo to Ct. for a visit this weekend to lighten things up at the homestead, but his Mom has a bridge tournament in Sturbridge on Saturday and won't be home.
I mentioned this to Julie, a friend of mine from work who also does my readings and raike. She has been telling me since Carlie was born that she will be sensitive. Julie said that the timing of Carlies arrival was no mistake, and told me to think about it... She showed up just in time to help out two sick Grandmothers. Henri's Mom said more than once that Carlie was what got her through chemo, and I know that she is getting my Mom through hers now. Julie also said to me that she can literally see the wings on my child, and that she is a healer and that's why she's here... She gave me goosebumps.
Carlie is not just a little healer, she's also very close to 2 and really starting to act like it.
We have little temper tantrums now...and she's starting to think it's funny to slap you in the face... it's NOT. She is just too much. If she knows she's not supposed to do it, she'll do it just to test you. I am on vacation next week with her and looking forward to spending it with her just hanging out and having fun. I hope everyone can stay reasonably healthy for those few days so I can relax....We'll see.

Down the road

2008-06-09T09:13:00.005-04:00

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.... so they say.

I believe I have traveled that road a few times recently. This weekend was a weird one... Mom called me Saturday morning at 7:30 to tell me she had been brought by ambulance to the hospital at 4am and was calling from the ER....HUH?

She was having severe back pain and tried to drive but couldn't even walk it was so bad. Now...For my mother to take an ambulance she must have been in some major pain. I've watched that woman break the hell out of her wrist and have it set at the ER all with no drugs. The next day she figured since shes out of work for a while...she dug up the front walkway and laid a new brick one, then cleared the underbrush from the whole back yard. with ONE hand!!! So you see, this was serious. They concluded she sprained her back (I don't agree but whatever)

The funny thing is ( And this is where the theory thateverything happensfor a reason comes in again) At first they thought it was kidney stones so they did some blood work. Good thing they did because her platelet count was dangerously low! So while they had her there they ordered some platelets for an infusion. She could have bleed to death if anything had happened to her... OMG. Well, in all this time, and since we couldn't really do anything for her, Henri,Carlie and I took a quick trip down to Orleans to pick up some roof slates that someone was giving away on Craig's list. What a beautiful day it was for a ride... too bad we had to rush, it was a nice trip.

I hit the mother load with those slates! There were at least 50...maybe more. I will paint a few and donate them to Carlie's daycare to sell. They are trying to raise money for a new playground set. And the rest... I'll sell. pic's above are slates that I've done in the past and sold. $45 and willing to barter.

Any takers??

Angel box

2008-06-04T14:00:00.005-04:00

MY OWN ANGEL

Where I work, we have a lot of wu-wu around. Wu-wu meaning...psychic...medium...aura, crystal herbal type people. I love it. If I have a headache, I can walk around the corner and get energy healing from one person or a quick reading from another. It's perfectly acceptable to take a wu-wu break and clear the office of negative energy. There are crystals laying out allot of the time for anyone to stop and infuse with a happy thought or just hold and take some energy if needed. Anyway, the point of this is that someone set out an angel box the other day. Your supposed to write down a problem or worry and slip it into the box with the intention that the angels will take it off your mind. You give it to the angels. I slipped a paper in yesterday for Henri to find a good steady job. Well, he got a call today from the bank he applied to weeks ago and they offered him a great job. Maybe we can get back on track now.

I will miss him being home though, I'm getting spoiled by having him around. Well.... can't have everything right? Anyway,just wanted to share the good news.

Mom is having a bad day today, she's nauseous and feeling downright icky. Yesterday she told me she thought her hair was starting to fall out. I grabbed a handful of her hair in the back and tugged...she yelled. no hair came out. which is a good thing because I told her if a clump had come out I might have peed myself right there in the car. So far she's still attached to it. Thank goodness.

Porch sitter

2008-06-01T22:41:00.004-04:00

I had a useless weekend.

I had big plans for cleaning out my bedroom and doing some purging. Well, we purged a little, got rid of 3 bags of old clothes... took down the heavy curtains and have the sheers up, that lightened things up in there... just so much to do. I wanted to clean out the cubby and take out the rug and replace it with runners.... didn't do it.

Saturday got away from me. Before I knew it it was 4pm. Henri and I took Carlie to Friendlys for dinner and then I went to Christmas tree shop while Henri took Carlie over to Staples.

Sunday morning we met Andy and his girlfriend for breakfast and Mom came. We had a good time and a fabulous breakfast. ( At,Food for Thought in Falmouth)

After that we went to the wholesale nursery in Waquoit where I found Pampas grass and a couple hostas that I have been looking for... Took Carlie home to get her down for a nap...NO LUCK!! Sooo... Out on the porch she went in the pack and play with books and dollies and a blanket... and I planted my little heart out. Moved a hydrangea, dug up my daffodils by mistake (oops)

I cant wait to see them fill out and looking forward to seeing the grass bloom. Next weekend I'll go grab a couple other things...maybe some phlox maybe something else... I'll see.

It was just nice to be outside and doing something with that damned dirt patch at my front door.

Spent some time on the porch just sitting and looking out... Love my porch. All in all, it was a nice weekend.

Good friends

2008-05-29T09:13:00.004-04:00

I stayed home from work yesterday. I still wasn't feeling all that great, I'm not sure exactly what my problem was but more than anything I think it was a mental health day. I had an unexpected visitor around 2, my friend Jen and her two girls Olivia and Ava.

They came bearing gifts... Jen has been taking a sewing class for all of about a month and she made me the most coolest fabulous pocketbook! I was speechless when I saw how well she made it, it looks store bought. I love it. But even better, inside was this dress for Carlie!

My daughter has just started walking, you can't put a dress on a crawling kid so this will be the first dress she's been in for a LONG time! God she's cute. By the way, it fits fine...THANK YOU JEN!!!!!

That wasnt the end of my surprises for the day. About 7pm I got a call from my old friend Lisa who I blogged about a while ago. She's been having some health problems and going into the hospital for exploritory surgery today. She offered to come over so around 7:30pm she was here and it was like 9 years melted away...yes nine years. Too long. It felt so good to sit and catch up with her. I'm looking forward to doing it again soon.

Memorial Day Weekend

2008-05-27T15:07:00.003-04:00

AAAAHHHH...silence.
My jerk neighbors have finally gone HOME, the baby's sleeping,the dog's sleeping,my in-laws are gone and my husband just went out to do some errands....AAAAAHhhhhh.....
Mom is having the best day yet since her chemo. Friday she goes again. I know it just gets worse, but it feels good thinking for a while that it won't.
The weekend was good, Monday I spent some time with Mom and ran an errand for her, then went home and had dinner with the other side of the family. My daughter has my father in law so charmed it's ridiculous. This isn't a mushy kind of guy. This is a guy who didn't want to hold her as an infant because " kids don't really fascinate me like they do most people".
Well dunk me in gravy and call me buttermilk biscuit if this guy ain't fascinated with MY kid!!!
He makes goo goo noises and funny faces and reads her the Boston Globe. It's extremely entertaining.
SOOOO.... I woke up this morning with some gross lower GI issue ,went to work and came home an hour later. I'm so glad I did!!!.....SILENCE!!... I think I'm going to take a nap.

Home sweet Home

2008-05-25T11:02:00.003-04:00

Saturday was great... I woke up early and headed to Pocasset to get the lilacs. I got a bunch of purple lilacs and two plants one white, one purple. I stopped at Mom's and surprised her with the boquet...she was thrilled.

Had to do a couple errands and headed home.

As soon as Carlie went to sleep I headed out to plant my lilacs. i put one on either side of the front porch with dreams of someday sitting there with a cup of coffee in the morning smelling the sweet scent of all my beautiful lilacs surrounding me.... CAN'T WAIT!

We went out for ice cream with my friend Cindy and her son John who is 8. He is so good with Carlie it's amazing. After ice cream we drove over to Falmouth Harbor and the kids played on the lawn near the band stand for about an hour. I brought a big bottle of bubbles so they had a great time chasing them.

By that time it was late and way past Carlies bedtime. We came home to find the house next to us full of college students partying like it's 1999...ALL NIGHT! ( dating myself?)

OK, I remember what it's like to be in my 20's, I know this is probably some kind of cosmic payback because God knows I have done my share of keeping neighbors awake. BUT COME ON!! It was dawn and they were still out there!

I am such an old fart....lol

Well, one neighbor called the cops around midnight and that calmed everything down for about half an hour, or until the police had left. At least this year they didnt have fireworks. Nothing like living next to rental property.

I have so much to do today... Henri just took Carlie to the store to do the shopping so I could get some housework done. My in laws are coming tomorrow around noon.

There's plenty of booze on the bar. I'll be fine.

Smooth Sailing

2008-05-23T21:55:00.003-04:00

Today was actually Mom's first day of chemo.

She did really well....her oxygen levels dropped a bit at first but they got her straightened out and she was fine.

Tonight her oxygen level fell again so she's laying low and vowing to call her doctor or the VNA if she feels worse.

So we have her dog Cricket here for tonight....maybe longer.

Cricket is a sweet tan and white 7 year old shi tzu. Henri calls her "little fluffer"

she was one of the most adorable puppies I have ever seen...I highly recommend a shi tzu.

Problem is, she can't jump high enough to get on our bed in the night so she bounces at the edge and makes pathetic doggy noises until you pick her up and put her on the bed....then she gets bored 20 minutes later, gets down and 5 minutes later decides she wants back up on the bed so once again...bounce....bounce.....bounce...good thing she's cute.

Rufus is insanely jealous of her by the way...and she barely tolerates his puppy vigor. Interesting to watch I must say.

I have a 3 day weekend this weekend hooray!...I am going to Pocasset in the morning to get some lilacs from a woman that offered them on freecycle www.freecycle.com and hopefully meet my friend Jen there.

I have to clean the house as my in laws are back from the big spring trip and will be here for a visit from Monday until Tuesday. Lastly and most important chore, I have to work on my illustrations for this childrens book!! I was supposed to have some drawings for him by the end of May... It's the end of May and I have done nothing. Hmmmm...wonder why artistic inspiration escapes me lately? I think I'll e-mail him and let him know I haven't forgotten him and let him know what's going on.

I have the pictures in my head, I just need to get them out on paper and perfect them. He needs examples in black and white, two, three and four colors because the more color in the illustration, the more it costs to print.

I also have another name to finish, this one is "Julia" and 8 year old into ballet, gymnastics and soccer. Getting those three to flow in a picture is NOT easy, lemme tell ya!!

Well, I think it might be bed time. Got lots to do tomorrow.

Goodnight:)

bounce.....bounce.......bounce.......bounce........bounce...................................................

Happy Hump Day

2008-05-21T10:23:00.002-04:00

GOOD MORNING!!!!
I got up this morning, showered dressed and got Carlie to school in time to come back home and have another cup of coffee and make my lunch. Henri is at a second interview right now in Hyannis.... SENDING HIM WHITE LIGHT AND GOOD VIBES!!!
I hang around with the woo-woo crew alot at work as you can see.
Not much new, Mom has her first round of chemo today...we think....it's all sort of up in the air but she has to be there at noon.
We had a rough night with Carlie, she has allergies like her dad, poor thing has a cough and runny nose. about 2am that cough woke her up. Henri got up with her and got her settled on his lap with my new quilt made for me by hand by a friend at work, I traded her some artwork for it....anyway, Carlie coughed, gagged and threw up all over the quilt Henri and the floor....sigh...
So for anyone with kids out there reading this...you know whats next. Laundry...change clothes,all the lights on everyone up...eeegads.
Poor baby, she was a wreck. But we got everything cleaned up and put back and dried and off to sleep she went. I love being a Mom.

Ode to Maggie Magoo

2008-05-18T16:14:00.004-04:00

Maggie Maggo...Born in Franklin Ma. on a cold December night in 1991. One of 8 mismatched puppies who didn't even look like they were related. Half lab,half Shar pei.
My Dad was bed ridden at the time, and we had an 8 year old beautiful sweet loving muffin of a German Shepard named Treau(pronounced Troy) but he was very sick and needed to be put down. He was going to the vet for just that the next day and we were all sick about it. Mom and I had been checking the want ad's magazine for dogs and came across this ad for lab/boxer mix puppies in Franklin ( what did they know?...it was a shar pei.) So we went to see the litter since we were having such a hard time finding a litter of puppies at that time of year locally.
We got to a big house at about 8pm and met the family who had the litter. It was a young family With a couple young kids. We went to the basement and found this most mixed up bunch of puppies all squirming around. My mother focused in on a little black runt off to one side, but I saw this little blond bouncing monster puppy with tiny ears and a squished up face and a curly little tail and had to have her!...Mom and I flipped a quarter and I won. Next problem, she was only 5 weeks old...But the mom to the litter had walked away from them right after birth. She herself was just 11 months old! After a lot of convincing, we talked the family into letting us bring that little blond squishy faced puppy home with us.
The next day was so hard, we had to say goodbye to our dear sweet boy Treau....But Maggie Magoo was there, and she was not letting us feel down....She was like a little clown and got us all through a really sad time.
Maggie and I were inseparable. She went to work with me every day when I was on the road as a Home Health aide. She'd help me in the garden by shaking out big clumps of weeds I'd pulled out... She rid our entire neighborhood of groundhogs. She'd chase a rock till she dropped. That was her absolute favorite!!
One of our ducks was named Ollie and the two of them would wrestle.
He'd fly just above her head and she'd jump up, knock him out of the sky, then he'd grab hold of her neck and she'd drag him all around the yard like he was skiing!!!.. I wish I had gotten it on film. Anyway,she was with me through some pretty rough times and some pretty cool times.
When I got married and got pregnant, she changed. She became this horrid destructive monster dog that I didn't even know. She destroyed everything she could get into.... She even clawed and chewed my bedroom door...she tore open a 50lb bag of sunflower seeds that we had just bought and left in the kitchen...what a mess!! I could have killed her....The night the baby was born, she literally chewed her way out of a wire kennel. Henri came home at 5am to find her bloody and half in/half out of the kennel. ..She knew. Things did get better with her after the baby was born and eventually she went back to her old self again.
She was 14 now, and showing signs of age....finally.
at 15 and a half, it broke my heart put her down. She had stopped eating and was showing signs of pain. I couldn't do that to her. She and I went to the vet and he put her out, then to sleep. It was the most peaceful end to her life I could have hoped for.The staff at Mashpee vet and Dr. Mark Oldham were beyond wondeful and understanding...I can't say enough about them. I brought her back home when it was over. We buried her in the backyard and planted a beautiful snowball hydrangea on her grave. I call it my "Maggie tree" and this spring it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!...of course.
I have never mourned a dog like I have mourned her. I feel like part of me is buried out there with her.... But it's comforting to know she's out there...home where she belongs.
My beautiful Maggie girl. I miss you.
Now there's Rufus......ugh.

I'm an artist

2008-05-18T14:31:00.005-04:00

I'm an artist. You have no idea how funny that sounds to me. I just recently started calling myself that. I never thought of myself as an artist...I always thought being an artist was meant for "real artists" like famous painters and sculptors ...and weirdly dressed people who live in P-town and have fabulously famous friends and rich neighbors. and work in "media"....not markers and pencil like me. But, I have been introduced as an artist more than three time's so I think I'm going to try it out. Everything I draw has a cartoon sort of tone. I can draw more realistically, but it's not as much fun. I also sculpt. I'd love to do some bigger scale sculpting but I stick with 1lb blocks on sculpy clay and make my little clay creatures. Pretty much they are the creatures in my head, all cartoonish and in 3D. Pretty cool.
I have been drawing children's names with bits of their personality or family history drawn in.
I also have done pet caricatures. The children's names have been the most lucrative. I am also talking with a local author about illustrating his children's book. I really have so much to do with that by the end of May, it's ridiculous. When I draw or paint.... I go into my own little world. It's like meditation and hours just slip away. Oddly enough from the day I got pregnant, I lost complete interest in any kind of art. I didn't care about drawing.....anything! As soon as I wasn't pregnant, BOOM it all came back again! I always said it was because the baby was sucking the creativity out of me and absorbing it in itself. I believe that's true. My daughter is a musical little stinker...maybe she'll be a singer or a musician who knows? But one thing I do know.....it's my therapy,my escape.... I love it.

2008-05-16T09:45:00.001-04:00

Brighter day yesterday... Today will be great as soon as 5pm gets here so I can start my weekend!! After work yesterday I took Carlie outside to blow some bubbles and swing in her swing. What's more cheerful than that??
We picked flowers and decorated Rufus with dandelions and met a new neighbor and walked around the yard to look at the flowers and plants.
I have already forgotten to water my newly planted window boxes... I need to do that before I leave for work today.
I hope to get some more yard work done this weekend between the rain.
I'll take some pic's and post.
TGIF!!!!

2008-05-15T10:00:00.000-04:00

I laid in bed awake at 3am thinking about how dark I'm feeling. Unless your reading this, if you saw me, you wouldn t know what was going on...That's usually how I am. I can't be openly depressed....It's just not me. I consider it a weakness and I will not ever be a weak person. Recently I noticed that I have surrounded myself with strong people. I look at my friends and find that everyone that I am close to is a strong positive person who has some quality that I admire and want to have myself. I also notice that people that I consider "weak" are people that are openly complaining...mopeing or just plain stupid.
But at 3am I discovered that I've already decided my mothers going to die. I think I may be going into mental survival mode. Starting today,I'm going to make a concious effort to become positive that she is going to beat cancer and be well again. I am going to use the power of positive thinking to shove off this dark cloud. Besides.... It's spring and beautiful and my favorite time of year. Last night Henri and I came in after dark from shopping and wehn I got out of the car all I could smell was fresh cool spring night air mixed with cut grass and a hint of lilac from my neighbors huge lilac bush just starting to open...What can make you feel more alive and happy than that? From now on.... POSITIVE THINKING!....right?

2008-05-14T08:36:00.000-04:00

Incurable. That 's what they told Mom yesterday.
How is that possible in 2008? They will try a concoction of chemo drugs to try and get her aggressive cancer into remission. Starting on a 15 week course next Tuesday. She'll loose her hair. She'll be sick. What the fuck?
Ok, so this is her path.... I understand that. But damn....this sucks buckets.
It's a beautiful sunny day out and I feel like I'm in a dark fog. I think I'll walk down to the harbor to try and lighten my mood....That usually works. more later.

2008-05-13T15:35:00.000-04:00

I left work early today, everything with Mom just got to me and I just could'nt concentrate. She has an appointment later today with the Oncologist to find out what exactly the game plan will be for chemo and radiation. I hope Henri gets a job soon because I may need to take some time off to help her out. My head is swimming with images of the weeks/months to come. I try really hard not to mope, I truely believe in God and I know that everything we go thru here is a learning experience. I also know that there are people in the world with far greater problems than me, so I try to just be greatful for my own "learing experiences".
No matter what, I know that I'll be looking back at this time in my life eventually and saying..."Man am I glad that's over". And I know that, because I say it about alot of other rotten times I've gone thru...and I've learned. So this too shall pass.... It's just right now that sucks.
So, I'll count my blessings.
My family,My fabulously supportive friends,My job,My comfortable home,chocolate.

Weekend

2008-05-12T08:26:00.000-04:00

I had such a great weekend... My daughter is FINALLY walking!!!
We had her marching all over God's great green earth this weekend...and she is just as proud as she can be of herself. Saturday Mom and I took our annual spring ride down rt 6a to check out the flowers and scenery. It was rainy but seemed to make all the colors pop even more.
We didn't make it all the way to Brewster as we usually do, we got to Hyannis and decided to go for lunch, then shopping. By then Mom was pooped so we headed home.
I woke up Sunday to the smell of bacon. Henri got up early and snuck out to make me breakfast for Mothers day. He came in with a card and a beautiful bouquet of roses from he and Carlie, then had Portuguese french toast, thick cut bacon and coffee.....YUM!!! Finally he told me we were going to get the flowers for my flower boxes today!!... I LOVE PLANTING MY FLOWER BOXES!!!!!!! We plated up a breakfast for my Mom, took it to her and visited for a while, then hit the road for flowers. We ended up at Wareham Walmart because they always have cheap flowers. We went to LL Bean and then stopped at Burger king for lunch took it to the Cape Cod Canal to eat and then stopped at Betty Ann's for ice cream before heading home. Henri took the lawn mower, trimmer and leaf blower to a friends small engine repair business for tune ups while I tackled dragging the potting soil out of my dilapidated garage.... It was a life threatening trip through crap, junk and scrap wood but I managed to drag the 40lb bad of WET potting soil out of the garage without breaking my neck...amazing.
As always, I overbought and had enough to plant a large terracotta planter and a small stand planter as well. It was so good to be outside and working in the dirt, The birds were going nuts in the side yard at the feeders, we have an abundance of red winged blackbirds this year. I love the sound of them. Why do weekends go so fast? I have so much more to do!!!
Back to work today....woopty doo....Happy Monday.

2008-05-09T09:36:00.000-04:00

I got in touch with an old friend the other day. She and I went to high school together, after graduation she moved in with my Mom and I after my dad passed. She lived with us for about 2 years. Somewhere along the way my end of the friendship started to deteriorate and I really began to resent her. Needless to say we went our seperate ways. She married a cop and moved to Ct. I married Henri and avoided her like the plague. It didn't take long before we lost contact and 6 years passed by. Strangely enough she popped up last week on a web site that Henri belongs to and sent him an e-mail. Within an hour I was on the phone with her and we were catching up. It seemed good to talk to her again. I feel like I owe her an apology wich I havent done yet, I intend to do face to face. She's been through alot. She lost both her parents, an aunt and an uncle all within a very short period of time, her husbands infadelity wich eventually led to the fact that he left her and she fought prescription drug addiction,diabetes, and depression through it all. I should have been there....I feel terrible.
Hopefully we can get together this weekend and I can make my peace.

The weekend

2008-05-05T08:05:00.000-04:00

I had a busy weekend. Friday night got together with some friends from work at the Parrot in Cataumet. Had a couple Mojitos and alot of laughs....My friend Andy stopped by when we were there one other time and his comment to me afterwards was that he felt like he was in an episode of Sex in the City if that tells ya where were all at.

Saturday was Mom's birthday. I made her my most fabulous chocolate cake, and she and I split the work of our favorite dinner.... Cape Cod turkey. It's salt cod in a white sauce topped with friend salt pork, it's drippings, and white onion soaked in vinegar. I know it sounds horrific, but it is SO damned good. Weve been having that dinner for special occasions for ever. Andy showed up as he always shows up whenever Cape Cod Turkey dinner and my chocolate cake are in the same room. We had a great time. Andy is a friend of mine who I met in high school in 1985. Weve been inseperable ever since. He's also Carlie's God Father, and he is just too cute with her. She has him wrapped right around her little finger and he LOVES it.

Sunday we went out for breakfast with Andy and his new girlfriend ( love her!) then home to get a drawing done. That's a whole other blog story in itself.

Time to get Carlie ready for school. Thanks for reading!

2008-05-04T16:13:00.000-04:00

2008-05-03T08:29:00.000-04:00

I woke up this morning to find Mr. and Mrs. Mallard sitting under my birdbath in the side yard. It's spring!!!
About 10 years ago I had 5 ducks, 6 chickens 2 Peking geese 2 rabbits 3 cats and a dog. Every spring around this time we would have Mr. and Mrs. Mallard come over in the morning and spend the day with the ducks in the kiddie pool we had sunken into the ground in our side yard. We always knew spring was here when they showed up. Well... it's years later and the animals are all gone and I've even moved to a house up the street...and those mallards show up here still every year...Now in MY yard. weird huh? So every morning I make sure I open a window and give them some bread or cereal or whatever I have laying around. They sit in the puddles at the end of my driveway occasionally sauntering out of the way for a passing car. I love that they still show up. It reminds me of happy times. We even had a mama and 5 ducklings stuck in our fenced in back yard a couple years ago. That was new, never had that before. I have no idea how they got in or where they come from.
On a similar note we also have bumblebees in our kitchen around the same time that the ducks show up. That's been going on here in my house since before I was born. ( I live in the house my grandparents built) Every year one will show up banging into the kitchen window trying frantically to get out. We just open the window and let them go. Sometimes we have 2 or 3. The first spring my husband and I lived here I came home from work and listened to him tell of how he found a huge bumblebee in the kitchen so he killed it....I was absolutely horrified! Of course he had no idea what the bumblebees meant or that they are a spring tradition....He found out and I am happy to say that no more bumblebees are killed at my house. They are let out like they're supposed to be. Happy spring!

DAY ONE

2008-05-02T16:35:00.000-04:00

Well, I guess I will jump on the blogging band wagon...why not?
I never thought I'd be a blogger, but I think this might be good therapy for me.
I think that seeing my thoughts in front of me might help. I'm heading face first into a shit storm and I think I need to button up. My mom just found out she has cancer. It's in her lung and spread to her shoulder. I took her for a PET scan today to see if she has it anywhere else. I never even heard of a PET scan until last week. I think I'll be learning alot of things in the coming months that I hoped to never know. She'll have to have a biopsy of the mass in her lung. The funny thing about it is that I am not as freaked out as I think I should be. I mean, Why am I not a wreck? I should be in constant tears....At least I think I should be.....shouldn't I? I keep thinking that if I'm not that freaked out, then maybe it's because there isn't anything to freak out about....Maybe I have this "sense" that everything is going to be ok? Maybe I'll just have another big bowl of denial.
I have a beautiful daughter. She's the light of our lives. She's 19 mo. old and getting busier and talking more everyday. She's so funny, I still can't believe she's so big so quick.
I have a great husband too. I don't honestly know what I would do without him.
He takes such good care of us...not a jealous bone in his body, funny as anything. Absolutely my very best friend.
We have a dog too. His name is Rufus. He's a puggle. he's also a pain in the ass.
but he grows on me a little more everyday. That's it for now, time to start dinner.
Thanks for reading!