So THERE!

Today is my 19 year anniversary at the VNA. It came and went without any fanfare...I made it a point to tell at least 6 people today... I got a grin and a "Oh WOW! Congratulations!" That was about it. It seems surreal to me that I am old enough to have been at a job for this long. I am standing on the edge of a cliff at 39 and teetering on the brink of 40. (Yes, that was a necessary analogy.) I am still not sure how I feel about that. One part of me is saying."Suck it up, so your 40...so what?" And another part of me is cringing at the thought. 40 is "old". ( Sorry to any 40 year old's reading this, but it's the damned truth.) I remember thinking 30 was old...so 40 must be REALLY old. I was just told the other day that I look like I'm in my early 30's. My response to that was, "Fat don't crack". And It's true. So there's one good thing about being a round girl.

I was reading my blog back to this time last year and thinking about how much can change in just one year. I am so glad that I started blogging, because I realized what a nice chronicle it is of my life. The pictures and the day to day things that go on that I have forgotten about in this whirlwind of the past year...I am especially grateful that I blogged about not having enough pie dough to make pinwheels with Carlie last Thanksgiving. I forgot about that and probably would have done the same thing again this year! I'm looking forward to the holidays with mixed emotions. I feel like a grown up more without my Mom around and am trying hard to remember that Christmas is for the children. And at the same time realizing that I am no ones child anymore. So weird.

I'm going to be taking a to a trip down Rt.6A this Saturday with a good friend. We'll be stopping at the artisan stores and visitng gift shops that smell like cinnamon, and I'll get to spend some rare time with a great friend who works allot. I can hardly wait! I'm sure there will be lots of laughing... a stop (or two) at Dunkin Donuts for coffee... and hopefully a lunch. There may be trouble though, there usually is...I'll keep you posted.

I'll be looking forward to doing something different,having some fun and beginning my Christmas shopping!! CHA-CHING!

I'm back.

Where do I start??
I am slowly getting used to the fact that my Mom is gone. The urge to call her has subsided. I visited her grave for the first time last week to check on the engraving I had done. It looks nice. The grass is so green on top of the gravesite it looks fake. I probably won't go back there for a long long time.
I left the safety of my old job for a new challenge at a Child Care center as the Administrative Assistant. I love it, the people are great and friendly...I go over to the old office for lunch with my friends every day. It's such a nice change of pace to work with kids again. I dont miss the old job even a little.
We decided that Rufus would be better off with a new home. A friend of mine from work happened to be looking for a dog and she offered to dog sit for him while Henri went to Maine and I went to NH with the girls for a weekend. Rufus never came home. They loved him and kept him and that was fine with me. I have guilt over letting him down, but am glad he is with this family. They have two girls 10 and 12 and they walk him every day and take him to a nearby beach to run. Perfect for Rufy. Cricket has settled back into being an only dog quite well. She's doing well considering her whole little life was flipped upside down too. It took a little adjustment time, but I think were all good now. She has been so good with Carlie and I am amazed at how patient she has been with being attacked by a 3 year old. She's coming along.
Carlie is now in a big girl bed, going on day 4. So far so good. She's talking and singing constantly and is more fun every day. I wish my Mother could be here to hear all the things she says and does...it kills me she's missing it all.
Henri's job is going well...It's not turning out to be all that was promised (as usual) but he's hanging in there. He leaves early and comes home late and is running constantly. We look forward to weekends, but even the weekends we dont plan anything seem to fill up with things to keep us busy. Were looking forward to the holidays and greatful were all working and healthy. That's cause for us to celebrate after these past couple of years!!!

Yuck

Mom died of cancer last week. Yuck.
I have incredible friends. I am incredibly blessed. I am..................................the last one here from my immediate family. I hate that.
I'm so sad for my Mom that she didn't get more time with my daughter. I am so sad for my daughter that she didnt get more time with my Mom. I belive that life is a journey and that everything that happens is part of the overall lessons we need to learn in order to move forward.
Part of this lesson for me is patience. Is appreciation. Is courage.
Life doesnt suck. It is what you make it....even the bad stuff.

It's been a while...

Seems longer than three months since I last posted... Carlie is talking like a little trooper, she is just so friggin adorable and we are so desperately in love with her. I recently found out that a local dance school takes children under 3years old. HOW DID I MISS THAT??? I am so mad at myself for finding this out now....but I plan on finding a dance class that will fit into my schedule and dress this girl in some tights and dance shoes!... I took ballet class when I was three, and just loved it and my teacher, Mrs. Koenig- who was Belgian ( I believe) and the A typical ballet teacher.
She had long white hair always tight in a pony tail or bun. She wasn't much bigger than we were at the time and she spoke with a thick accent...I just adored her!! I remember the leotards and the ballet shoes and the smell of the hall that we were using for the class... It makes me smile to think about it. I would love for Carlie to have that too. My husband finally landed a great job off Cape. It was a long hard time with him out of work, but things seem to be looking up for him on the workfront. My Mom isn't doing very well, that's all I'll say about that.
Work is busy and things are still and always changing...I don't know where this chapter in my life is going to take me, but I sense a shift coming...I think with just about everything. Luckily I have my "soft place to fall" here with my family and I am so greatful that I have my husbands support behind everything I do. Thank God for him and his understanding...he's truely my best friend. That's all for now...I'll update with some dance-er-ific news ASAP.