Thursday, May 15, 2008

I laid in bed awake at 3am thinking about how dark I'm feeling. Unless your reading this, if you saw me, you wouldn t know what was going on...That's usually how I am. I can't be openly depressed....It's just not me. I consider it a weakness and I will not ever be a weak person. Recently I noticed that I have surrounded myself with strong people. I look at my friends and find that everyone that I am close to is a strong positive person who has some quality that I admire and want to have myself. I also notice that people that I consider "weak" are people that are openly complaining...mopeing or just plain stupid.
But at 3am I discovered that I've already decided my mothers going to die. I think I may be going into mental survival mode. Starting today,I'm going to make a concious effort to become positive that she is going to beat cancer and be well again. I am going to use the power of positive thinking to shove off this dark cloud. Besides.... It's spring and beautiful and my favorite time of year. Last night Henri and I came in after dark from shopping and wehn I got out of the car all I could smell was fresh cool spring night air mixed with cut grass and a hint of lilac from my neighbors huge lilac bush just starting to open...What can make you feel more alive and happy than that? From now on.... POSITIVE THINKING!....right?

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